Journeys into the bright world

To date, I have had four experiences with samadhi therapy. Like everyone else I have had problems which have also afforded opportunities for growth. At the time when I began my sessions with Howard and Marcia I had been dealing with these difficulties alone and in desperation, trying to resolve a course of action that would be best for all involved. But despite my efforts, waves of depression and indecisiveness kept sweeping over me.

My first samadhi session was held on February 10, 1978 at Howard and Marcia's home in Alderwood Manor. Howard gave me 25 mg of ketamine and Marcia sat with me throughout my "trip."

My first feeling was a rush of warmth all over my body. It was similar to going down a long slide, right to that totally disembodied state we call alpha. As the outline of my body disappeared I floated above the bed six to eight inches above my body. Then for a while it was a visual experience. I could see the energy being emitted from the curtains. They seemed to vibrate and flow. It was wonderful, peaking at a height of awareness I had never previously achieved.

I felt a person helping me to sit in the lotus posture. He actually took hold of my legs and moved them into the proper position so that I could attain the lotus-something I have never been able to accomplish alone. It was very exhilarating. I wanted to sit right up and try it alone. Then he took the lptus posture in front of me and a little to the left. For the first time I really looked at him. He was a tall man with angular features, very thin with a beautiful body, long gray hair and a beard. An overwhelming feeling of peace swept over me. At the same time I was curious to know more about him. I know; I will see him again. Ironically, the issue of sitting in the lotus posture is a concern of mine. I just can't seem to attain this position.

Since I seemed to be getting help with problems I asked about my weight. I have always liked to eat too much. The next picture was alarming. I saw an immensely fat woman who must have weighed 350 pounds. It was appalling. I did not look at her very long as it was quite terrible. Maybe it was a form of shock treatment. Ever since then food has not looked so good to me.

I thought of my husband Dugan and saw his face clearly. Somehow I needed to let him know that I loved him without his beard. That is a thought I have never dealt with before. Dugan has always had a beard and we both like it. I felt as though I should ask him to shave it off, but knew I could not; we both love his beard. Maybe this is a realization that needs to be faced by me, not him.

Incense was burning and the patterns of smoke reflected on the ceiling were beautiful-like time flowing, taking shape and dissipating. It all seemed wonderful. My understanding of time has been evolving over the past year and it was enlightening to see it from this aspect.

Afterward I continued to feel warm and loving. I knew that I would continue to deal with people in an especially gentle way, and that in this manner samadhi therapy would touch the lives of others and help them to feel good also.

During my second samadhi session Howard and Marcia were both present. Howard played an album of Barbra Streisand songs called "Classical Barbra." I started the long slide down and felt that wonderful warm feeling sweep over me. I watched Barbra's voice slowly take shape as the music filled the room. I could actually see her voice as the words became sounds and lost their English meaning. The notes looked like colored waves, swirling and soft at the edges. They all swirled in from the outside and climaxed in the center. The patterns sparkled ethereally like light shining through a diamond or the phosphorescence in Puget Sound at certain times of the year. It was like looking at a large picture with no frame. Waves of color (Barbra's voice) were sparkling and crashing silently onto a beach at the center, coming in from all sides. The tones were magnificent, blue, pink, and white with irridescent foam. I myself seemed to be in the center of this soft, smooth-looking billowing mass of vibrating energies.

I tried closing my eyes and it was like opening the door to the universe. I felt I could see through to eternity. I looked through the galaxies for ever and ever, gazing past stars and planets. It was like being propelled through space. Great waves of tenderness swept over me. What love! I was that love.

Later, thinking about this experience it seemed to me that samadhi therapy emphasizes the gentle side of our human nature. We all have this gentleness and need to be reminded that this is where our soul resides. There is no way to overlook the High Self in this state of samadhi.