Gossamer Cord

“Everything is ready,” put in Nanny Crabtree. “I’ve seen to that. Now all we’ve got to do is wait for the little darling.”

That was what she was longing for. Then she would be rid of the midwife and the doctor and herself be in complete command.

Dorabella was a little exhausted and went to bed immediately after dinner. We did not see Dermot or Gordon. Matilda told us that they had both gone to some landowners’ conference which was being held in Exeter. They would be away for two nights probably. “Dermot wanted to cancel it when he heard the day you were coming, but Gordon thought they could not easily do that, nor that he should go without Dermot,” Matilda told us. “And the baby is not due for a few more days, so he knew you would understand.”

“Of course,” said my mother. “He can see us when he gets back.”

My mother came to my room for a little chat after we had retired.

“Well,” she said. “I think everything is in order.”

“It seems so.”

“Matilda is very good. I did think Nanny Crabtree might have made some difficulties, but Matilda is the soul of tact and seems to realize what a treasure she is, so long as you don’t mind her ways.”

“Yes, I think Matilda likes a peaceful life.”

“As for the rest of the servants…well, Nanny Crabtree would be on her own and wouldn’t come into contact with them very much. The nursery is her life. That’s why the baby couldn’t have a better nanny. Well, all we have to do is wait for the day.”

“I think Dorabella is getting a little scared.”

“Who wouldn’t be? It’s her first and she isn’t sure what she has to face. She’ll be all right. She’s strong and healthy, and we’ll make sure that everything that can be done will be.”

“That’s a comfort.”

“I’m glad you’re here. A pity your father couldn’t be with us. But he wouldn’t be much use in the nursery.”

“He’d be a comfort and it’s always good to have him around.”

My mother nodded and smiled. “That’s true,” she said. “But there is the estate, and we do seem to be on the move all the time. When the baby has grown a little, she’ll be able to come to us and there won’t be all these journeys.” She yawned. “It’s been a tiring day. I’m exhausted. I think it is time I was in bed. You, too.”

We said goodnight and she left me.

I was indeed tired. I got into bed and lay for some time listening to the murmur of the sea. Why did I always feel there was something a little uncanny about this place?

I dozed and awoke with a start. I heard the creak of a board and I knew that I was not alone. Someone was in my room.

My heart was beating wildly. I was not yet fully awake. I had been startled out of some dream which had vaguely filled me with foreboding.

I sat up in bed, peering at the furniture which I could see in the faint starlight.

Dorabella came out of the shadows to stand by my bed.

“I’ve frightened you,” she said. “I did not know you’d be so easily scared.”

“Dorabella! What are you doing?”

“I couldn’t sleep…then I had this dream…it’s not the first time. It terrified me.”

She was wearing a light dressing gown over her nightdress and her hair was loose about her shoulders.

I said: “You’ll get cold.”

“I had to come and see you.”

“You can’t stand there.”

“No,” she said. She took off her dressing gown, flung it onto a chair, and got into my bed.

There flashed into my memory those days when we had been away from home…on some holiday…or visiting people. If she had been put into a different room she always came into mine. She would say, ‘I couldn’t sleep,’ or ‘I’ve had a bad dream.’ At home we had slept in the same room…in two beds fairly close together. As she snuggled close to me, I was reminded of those long-ago days.

“Thank goodness you’re here,” she said.

“Why? Is there something…?”

“Why?” she repeated. “Because I want you here. That’s why. I hate it when I can’t come in and talk to you whenever I want to. I’ve got to talk to you now, Vee.”

“Well, why not begin? Here I am…awakened from my slumber.”

“I’m sorry if I frightened you. Did you think I was a ghost? Perhaps that Jermyn ghost—the one who walked into the sea. I am worried, Violetta. I really am. This dream was so vivid…and I’ve had it before. I think it is a premonition.”

“You’ve just had it, have you?”

“Yes, and a few nights ago. It’s just the same every time.”

“What happens in the dream?”

“I have the baby…and die.”

“What a foolish notion! Why should you? Thousands have babies safely. You have everything satisfactorily arranged, the best attention. Mummy and I are here with you and you have Nanny Crabtree. She would never let…that…happen to you.”

“Don’t joke! I’m serious about this. It’s the baby…”

“What about the baby?”

“I’m dead, you see, in this dream. I die having him, but he’s all right. He’s fine. I’m gone and he is still here. Perhaps when you die you can watch people…you see how they act. That’s what I’m doing in this dream…watching. I see you there and our mother…and you are so unhappy.”

“Really, Dorabella,” I said severely. “You are being over-dramatic. You are perfectly all right. The doctor said so.”