e9c12ac8d703d9a536f23183edf8b22c

“You did?” said Odelia, sounding surprised. “I didn’t see you.”

“Well, I saw you,” Jerry said with a little grin. “So did your visit have anything to do with the Pink Lady by any chance?”

“Don’t answer that, babe,” Chase grunted, then turned to take in the reformed crook. “What are you playing at, Vale? Why the sudden interest in the Pink Lady?”

“Cool your jets, detective,” said Jerry. “Like I said, I’m just expressing a natural interest in the goings-on in my own town.”

“Yeah, right,” Chase said.

Jerry directed himself at Marge again.“So where is the stone now?”

“That’s none of your business,” said Uncle Alec.

Jerry’s eyes narrowed into slits. “I sense a lot of hostility, Chief, and I can tell you right off the bat that this is both uncalled for and frankly a little disappointing.” He spread his arms. “We’re all friends here—and is this the way to treat a friend? Eh?”

“Friends don’t break into banks and steal stuff,” Uncle Alec pointed out.

“Cross my heart, those days are behind me, Chief,” said Jerry, now exuding earnestness, which didn’t really become him. “So where is the stone now, Marge? Safe and sound at Gems World?”

“I’m sorry, Jerry,” said Marge. “But I have no idea where the Pink Lady is right now.”

“And even if she knew, she wouldn’t tell you,” said Marge’s husband. Tex’s face was flushed, and Dooley’s words about the man’s drinking habits now returned to me.

“He’s drunk, Max,” Dooley whispered in my ear. “He’s hiding it well, just like a true alcoholic, but he’s completely wasted.”

“I’m afraid you’re right, Dooley,” I said with a frown.

I mean, I’m not my humans’ keeper, but the Pooles are all very near and dear to me, and it frankly pained me to see Tex in his current state of obvious inebriation.

“I’m telling you, he’s going to take out someone’s kidneys one of these days,” said Brutus, “and that person won’t be happy.”

“If he took out a person’s kidneys that person would be dead, Brutus,” I said. “So they wouldn’t be able to complain.”

“Well, let’s hope so, cause if they do complain, Tex will lose his license, and then what? He’ll have to get a job selling typewriters door to door.”

“Do people still use typewriters?” asked Dooley.

“I doubt it,” I said.

“So let’s just make sure Tex doesn’t lose his license, then,” said Brutus, with a sense of logic I found hard to dispute.

“Here we go,” said Harriet when suddenly Fido Siniawski walked onto the stage and a hush descended upon the room.

Everyone turned to face the front. The show had begun.

14

“He looks nervous,” Dooley remarked, in reference to everyone’s formerly favorite hairstylist.

And indeed Fido did look nervous—in fact he looked terrified.

“Someone once said that the number one fear for humans, even more than the fear of death, is the fear of speaking in public,” Harriet said.

“Is that so?” I said.

“Yeah, apparently the thought of having to talk to an audience is terrifying for most people.” She shrugged. “Don’t ask me why. Just another one of those human foibles, I guess.”

Harriet didn’t have any fear of speaking in front of an audience. In fact the opposite was true: it was impossible to drag her off a stage whenever she had the opportunity to mount it.

“So where is Buster?” asked Brutus, glancing around.

And as if summoned by the mention of his name, suddenly Buster made a beeline for us, and took up position next to Brutus. He was panting slightly.“Sorry I’m late, you guys,” he said. “What did I miss?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Fido hasn’t started yet.”

And judging from the fact that the hairdresser still stood there, looking like a deer in the headlights, and not a single word had rolled from his lips yet, I had the impression he’d never get going.

“Tell us about your flat earth!” suddenly a voice called out from the crowd.

“Yes, yes,” said Fido, his voice sounding awkward and squeaky. “Thank you, Jack. As we all know, people have been told that the earth is round.”

“That’s because it is, you muppet!” another voice called out.

“Ha ha, thank you, Fred!” said Fido. “But now the latest scientific research has proved that this common theory is all wrong. All wrong!” he said, shifting into higher gear as he drew strength from his own convictions. “And tonight I’m going to prove this to you.”

“Oh, don’t bother,” another heckler called out, but immediately was shushed by several of the people sitting in his vicinity.

“Let the man speak!” Charlene Butterwick said, raising her voice. “I might not agree with what he has to say,” she explained in a softer tone of voice, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect his right to say it.”

“Of course, sweetheart,” said her boyfriend, the police chief, who was apparently still ruminating on Jerry Vale’s words, judging from the annoyed glances he kept darting over his shoulder in the latter’s direction. Jerry, of course, pointedly ignored the Chief’s glances. If you’ve beenoperating on the wrong side of the law all your life, cops are like flies: annoying but essentially harmless.