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The Seabreeze Music Center is one of the biggest theaters in town, and caters to a very diverse audience: one night there might be a rock band giving of its best and making the rafters quake, another night there might be a movie retrospective by some obscure Scandinavian auteur, and once upon a time even Charlie Dieber had graced this hall with his presence, much to the delight of hundreds or even thousands of screaming young fans.

Tonight the audience was a lot more sedate, and as far as I could tell there would be no screaming girls, or even teddy bears being thrown at the stage. Besides, even if Charlie were here tonight, he wouldn’t stand for such nonsense. The kid had found religion, after all, and had gotten married, and was now singing songs about Jesus Christ, and no longer about his latest romantic conquest.

“Look who’s here,” said Dooley excitedly, his tail pointing in the direction of the door.

We all looked over, and lo and behold, two familiar figures had just graced us with their presence. They were Johnny Carew and Jerry Vale, the two career criminals who had, not unlike The Dieber himself, found religion, and had even joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses for a short-lived stint.

“What do you think they’re doing here?” asked Harriet as she eyed the twosome with marked interest. Johnny and Jerry were scanning the audience, and when their gazes had swept across the heads of the Poole family, returned, like the beam of a lighthouse, and a big smile slid up Jerry’s face. It’s hard for a man with a face like a ferret to look handsome, but when Jerry smiles, his innate ugliness is diminished by perhaps thirty to thirty-five percent, making his presence more or less palatable. Johnny, of course, is just a big brute, even though I know from experience that underneath that tough exterior there beats a gentle heart.

They now made their way over to where Odelia and her family were seated, and Jerry wasted no time taking a seat directly behind Marge, while Johnny took up position behind Scarlett Canyon, eyeing the latter with a touch of lasciviousness.

“Well, well, well,” Jerry’s opening statement began. “If it ain’t the Pooles. Long time no see.”

“Hi, Jerry,” said Marge, and judging from her smile she was happy to see the twosome, which didn’t surprise me, since Marge had always had a soft spot for the criminal duo. Once upon a time she’d even offered them employ at the library, cleaning up the archives in the basement. Of course they’d used this as an excuse to drill a hole through the library wall and into the bank next door, so they could abscond with the contents of a dozen or so safe deposit boxes and flee to Mexico.

But they’d been arrested and extradited and had served their time and were now upstanding and law-abiding members of the community once more. Or so they claimed.

“Hi, Scarlett,” said Johnny with a silly grin on his face. The grin was not unexpected, and neither was the look of vertigo in the big guy’s eyes, since he was now leaning over Scarlett, and had a bird’s-eye view of the woman’s d?colletage. I must say the view of Scarlett’s frontage has a powerful effect even from a frog’s-eye view, so I could only imagine what Johnny was feeling now that he got the full experience.

“Do we know each other?” asked Scarlett, her demeanor far from frosty. Scarlett likes men, you see, almost as much as men like Scarlett, and Johnny might be rough around the edges, he’s also a very large man, and presumably in Scarlett’s mind that size translated in the kind of promise of virility any warm-blooded female likes to see in a member of the opposite sex.

“I’ve always been an admirer… from afar,” Johnny confessed. “I’m a friend of Marge’s,” he explained.

“Well, any friend of Marge is a friend of mine,” said Scarlett, and turned so she could carry on the conversation the way it should be carried on. It also caused that same vertiginous cleavage to shift and quiver like a blancmange, and I could see from the throbbing vein on Johnny’s temple and the slight coloring of his cheeks that the effect was both immediate and devastating.

“Oh, look, Brutus,” said Harriet with a little sigh. “It’s love.”

“Lust, you mean,” Brutus grunted.

“What are you talking about?” asked Dooley with interest.

“Nothing, Dooley,” said Harriet. “I was speaking in general.”

“Oh, all right,” said my friend, and the interaction drew a smile from yours truly.

“So what have you been up to?” asked Marge.

“This and that,” said Jerry. “Say, is it true that a certain famous diamond was found on the beach yesterday?”

“And what’s it to you?” asked Uncle Alec, his voice completely devoid of the warmth his sister had effected in hers.

“Just curious, Chief,” said Jerry. “As a member of this fine community I feel it’s important to stay up to date on what’s going on.”

“Of course you do,” said the police chief, and didn’t hide the skeptical note in his voice.

“So I couldn’t help but notice how you dropped by Gems World this afternoon,” Jerry continued, now addressing Odelia.