“Yurr zurr, you’m not a scoffen ee vikkles much. Wot bees up with ee, zurr Gonffen, you’m gone aseedingly soilent. Coom on, mate, owt wi’ et!”
Gonff took us both to a quiet corner of the orchard, not wanting any other Redwaller to hear what he had to say. It was a strange tale he related.
“A few nights back I was out on one of my rambles, in Mossflower Wood, when I saw an odd thing. Two little lights, pale, flickerin’ flames, dancin’ about in the darkness, as pretty as you please. At first, I felt like going to see just what they were, but something warned me not to show myself, so I stayed hidden, in a yew thicket.
“Then I spotted the stoat. He was a fat, raggedy vermin, swiggin’ away at a big flask o’ grog. I could smell the stuff, even from where I was, it was foul, probably made from bogweed an’ withered berries. So I watched Mister Stoat, he was bumblin’ along, bumpin’ into everythin’ an’ singin’ a vermin drinkin’ song that’d curl yore ears. He caught sight o’ the two little flames, the fool. Gigglin’ like a Dibbun an’ offerin’ ’em drinks o’ grog, he goes staggerin’ off after those tiny lights. I stayed where I was for a moment, then went off quietly, followin’ t’see what’d happen.
“Now I know my way round Mossflower better’n most beasts, an’ I could tell that we were near to the eastern marshes. Not a place that any creature with a grain o’ sense’d go wanderin’ about in the dark o’ night. I stopped on firm ground an’ saw it all. The lights led that ole raggy stoat on a right merry dance, jiggin’ about, just out of his reach. Round an’ round they danced him, then they took off, straight over the marshes. Before I could do anythin’, the stoat chased after the two lights.
“Needless t’say, he went down into the swamp like a stone. Right up to his chin, an’ sinkin’ fast he was, with the two little lights hoverin’ over him. I couldn’t quite make it all out, but they seemed t’be whisperin’ to the stoat. Somethin’ about whites, hissing softlike, it sounded like…Wytessssss!
“Then he was gone, under the mud, never t’be seen again. I’ve never liked vermin as y’know, but I felt a bit sorry for the stoat, bein’ murdered in that horrible way. I say murdered, because that’s wot those two pretty little flames did to the pore fool, lured him off an’ murdered him. So I decided to trail the lights an’ see where they went. Two points east an’ one point south they headed, or as otters’n’shrews say, east sou’east! Then it was me that felt foolish—the tiny flames vanished altogether, just afore dawn.
“Aye, there I was, trailin’ empty air, I began to doubt I’d ever seen those two little lights. So, I had a bite o’ brekkist, a drink from a stream an’ climbed an elm tree to get my bearin’s.
“There’s some nice country over that way, parts I’ve never seen. But I recognised the big hill over to the east, I’d seen it before, but never been there. Huge high mound, all covered in trees an’ woodland. Did those little flames go to the hill? I decided to go an’ take a look myself.
“’Twas a stretch o’ the paws, I can tell ye! Daylight was beginnin’ to fade when I made it to a stream runnin’ round the base o’ the main mound. Things seemed to grow thicker in that part, there was no shortage of growin’ vittles. Apples, pears, nuts an’ berries, all up an’ ripened, well before autumn. It felt warmer, too, just like those places the ole sea otters tell about, beyond the sunset, over the great seas. Just then I hears birds, cawin’ an’ cacklin’, carrion birds, crows an’ the like, four of ’em. I saw them flap by, they didn’t spot me. Next thing they were gone! Crossin’ the stream, I found the place. An entrance, all grown over with reeds an’ trailin’ vines. Well, bein’ a Prince o’ Mousethieves, I’d never turn away an’ leave it unexplored, so in I went!
“It was a long, twisty, rock tunnel, more than paw deep in streamwater. After awhile there was a few lit torches, an’ firefly lanterns, hangin’ from the walls. The air became close an’ hot, awful smelly, too, like rotten eggs. Then I came round a sharp bend and into a cavern—it was so massive that it could have held Redwall Abbey an’ all its grounds inside! Everything was in a sort of green light. There were carrion birds perched everywhere, reptiles, too, lizards, toads, grass snakes an’ birds flyin’ round up near the ceiling. It was a dangerous place to be, so I hid behind a big heap of bones.