Cryptonomicon

"But there is something unusual about the patterns," Waterhouse says. "If, a few months later, another submarine is sent, in the same way, to pick up some mining engineers and some surveyors who have been trapped in Rabaul, and, upon its arrival in Manila, another Azure message is sent from Manila up to Tokyo, it begins to look very suspicious."

"I don't know," Comstock stays, shaking his head. "I'm not sure if I can sell this to the General's staff. It's too much of a fishing expedition."

"Correction, sir, it wasa fishing expedition. But now I'm backfrom the fishing expedition, and I've got the fish!" Waterhouse storms out of the room and down the hall toward his lab--half the fucking wing. Good thing Australia is a big continent, because Waterhouse is going to take all of it if he's not held sternly in check. Fifteen seconds later he's back with a stack of ETC cards a foot high, which he pounds down on the tabletop. "It's all right here."

Comstock has never fired a gun in his life, but he knows card-punching and -reading machinery like a jarhead knows his Springfield, and he's not impressed. "Waterhouse, that stack of cards carries about as much information as a letter home to Mom. Are you trying to tell me--"

"No, this is just the summary. The result of the statistical analysis."

"Why the hell did you punch it onto ETC cards? Why not just turn in a plain old typed report like everyone else?"

"I didn't punch it," Waterhouse says. "The machine punched it."

"The machine punched it," Comstock says very slowly.

"Yes. When it was done performing the analysis." Waterhouse suddenly breaks into his braying laugh. "You didn't think this was the raw inputs, did you?"

"Well, I--"

"The inputs filled several rooms. I had to run almost every message we have intercepted through the whole war through this analysis. Re member all those trucks I requisitioned a few weeks ago? Those trucks were just to carry the cards back and forth from storage."

"Jesus Christ!" Comstock says. He remembers the trucks now, their incessant comings and goings, fender-benders in the motor pool, exhaust fumes coming through his window, the enlisted men shoving heavy carts up and down the hallways, laden with boxes. Running over people's feet. Scaring the secretaries.

And the noise. The noise, the noise, from Waterhouse's goddamned machine. Flowerpots vibrating their way off file cabinets, standing waves in coffee cups.

"Wait a sec," says one of the ETC men, with the nasal skepticism of a man who has just realized he's being bullshitted. "I saw those trucks. I saw those cards. Are you trying to get us to believe that you were actually running a statistical analysis on each and every single one of those message decrypts?"

Waterhouse looks a little defensive. "Well, that was the only way to do it!"

Comstock's math whiz is homing in for the kill now. "I agree that the only way to accomplish the analysis that is implied by that"--he waves at the mandala of intersecting polygons on Waterhouse's map--"is to go through all of those truckloads of old decrypts one by one. That is clear. That is not what we are objecting to."

"What are you objecting to, then?"

The whiz laughs angrily. "I'm just worried about the inconvenient factthat there is no machine in the whole world that is capable of processing all of that data, that fast."

"Didn't you hear the noise?" Waterhouse asks.

"We all heard the goddamn noise," Comstock says. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Oh," Waterhouse says, and rolls his eyes at his own stupidity. "That's right. Sorry. Maybe I should have explained that part first."

"What part?" Comstock asks.

"Dr. Turing, of Cambridge University, has pointed out that bobbadah bobbadah hoe daddy yanga langa furjeezama bing jingle oh yeah," Waterhouse says, or words to that effect. He pauses for breath, and turns fatefully towards the blackboard. "Do you mind if I erase this?" A private lunges forward with an eraser. Comstock sinks into a chair and grips its arms. A stenographer reaches for a benzedrine tablet. An ETC man chomps down on a number two lead pencil like a dog on a drumstick. Strobes flash. Waterhouse grabs a fresh stick of chalk, reaches up, and presses its tip to the immaculate slate. The crisp edge of the stick fractures with a slight pop, and a tiny spray of chalk particles drifts to the floor spreading into a narrow parabolic cloud. Waterhouse bows his head for a minute, like a priest getting ready to stride up the aisle, and then draws a deep breath.