A Man Without Breath

‘You know, I should have realized something like this might happen,’ I said. ‘I should have gone to Gestapo headquarters last night and told them myself. Made an official report. They would have listened to the little fucking skull and crossbones on my hat.’

‘Sir. We ought to go.’

‘Yes. Yes of course.’ I sighed. ‘Take me to the airport. The sooner I get out of this hellhole the better.’

Looking more than a little relieved, Rex followed me back to the car, and suddenly he was full of talk that was mostly explanation and evasion of the kind I’d often heard before and would doubtless hear again.

‘No one likes to see that sort of thing,’ he said, as we drove north up Flugplatzstrasse. ‘Public executions. Least of all me. I’m just a lieutenant of signals. I worked for Siemens in Berlin before the war, you know. Installing telephones in people’s houses. Fortunately I don’t have to get involved with that side of it. You know – police actions. So far I’ve got through this war without shooting anyone, and with any luck, that’s not going to change. Frankly I could no more hang a bunch of civilians than I could play a Schubert impromptu. If you ask me, sir, the Ivans are decent salt-of-the-earth fellows just trying to feed themselves and their families, most of them. But try telling that to the Gestapo. With them everything is ideological – all Ivans are Bolsheviks and commissars and there’s never any room for compromise. It’s always “Let’s make an example of someone to deter the rest”, you know? If it wasn’t for them and the SS – what happened over at the ghetto in Vitebsk was quite unnecessary – well, really Smolensk is not such a bad place at all.’

‘And there’s even a fine cathedral. Yes, you mentioned it before. I just don’t think I know what a cathedral is for, lieutenant. Not anymore.’

*

It’s hard to feel good about your homeland when so many of your fellow countrymen behave with such callous brutality. Leaving Smolensk far below and behind me, my heart and mind felt as severely jolted by the sight of those six hanged men and women as the plane soon was by pockets of warmer air that the pilot called ‘turbulence’. This was so heart-stoppingly severe that two of the plane’s other passengers – a colonel from the Abwehr named Von Gersdorff, who was one of the aristocrats that had met Von Dohnanyi at Smolensk airport the previous Wednesday, and an SS major – were swiftly crossing themselves and praying out loud; I wondered how much good a prayer in German could be. For a while the two officers’ prayers provided a source of some small sadistic pleasure to me. They were a satisfactory hint there might be some justice in an unjust world, and the way I was feeling I would hardly have cared if our plane had met with a catastrophic accident.

Perhaps it was the vigorous shaking of the plane we endured for over an hour that banged something loose in my head. I had been thinking about Captain Max Schottlander, who was the Polish author of the military intelligence report – for this was what it was – I had found inside his frozen boot, and which Doctor Batov had translated for me. Suddenly, as if the lurching movement of the plane had brought part of my brain to life, I wondered what effect might be achieved if ever I was to disclose the report’s contents – although to whom these contents might be disclosed was hard to answer. For a moment a number of ideas as to just what could be done crowded my brain all at once; but finding no more than a fleeting thought attached to each, these ideas seemed to vanish simultaneously, as if a warmer, more hospitable mind than my own had been required to give them all a chance to thrive, like so many of Colonel Ahrens’s bees.

What was more certain and enduring in my mind was the belief that what I had discovered in that boot was now a source of no small danger to me.

CHAPTER 10

Thursday, March 18th 1943

There were hundreds of snowdrops growing in the garden of the flower house; spring was in the air and I was back in Berlin; the Russian city of Kharkov had been retaken by von Manstein’s forces, and the previous day a number of prominent state and Party figures had been named in the trial of a notorious Berlin butcher called August Nothling. He’d been accused of profiteering, although it would have been more accurate to describe his real crime as that of having supplied large quantities of meat without the requisite food coupons to high government officials such as Frick, Rust, Darre, Hierl, Brauchitsch and Raeder. Frick, the minister of the interior, had received more than a hundred kilos of poultry – this at a time when it was rumoured the food ministry was considering reducing the daily meat ration by fifty grams.