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“Actually she wasn’t asking for herself,” said Odelia. “She’s talking about my cats.”

“Your cats!”

“Yeah, she couldn’t remember if they were neutered or not.”

“Neutered.” I shivered violently. “Neutered!”

“It’s just a word, honey,” said Gran, gently stroking my fur.

“It sounds horrible—like something from a horror movie!”

“More like from an action movie,” said Brutus, who loved his action movies of an evening. He assumed a fighting position, paws up. “I’ll neuter you.” He grinned. “Sounds like a catchphrase Bruce would use.” He threw a few air punches. “If you don’t stop acting like a total tool, I’ll neuter you.”

“Ifyou don’t stop acting like a fool, I’ll neuteryou,” I said, and I meant it.

“Look, it’s not as if you were ever going to have babies, were you, Max?” said Brutus, who was more relaxed now that he knew he hadn’t been ‘fixed.’

“What makes you say that?” I said.

“Well…” He hesitated. “I mean, how long have we known each other? Couple of months? And in all that time never once have I seen you with a girl.”

“So?”

“So I just assumed…”

“You assumed what?” I said. I didn’t have time for this. I needed to get to the bottom of this snipping business.

“Well, I just assumed you weren’t into them is all.”

I stared at him.“What?!”

He shrugged.“Call it a hunch. And seeing as how you and Dooley are so close and all I naturally assumed…” His voice died away as I gave him my best imitation of a death stare. “No? Okay, then.”

“For your information, I simply haven’t found the right one yet. And also for your information, Dooley and I are just friends, nothing more.”

“What is he talking about, Max?” asked Dooley. “What is he implying?”

“He’s implying that you and I are more than just friends,” I said.

Dooley thought about this for a moment.“What more is there?”

“Oh, will you just go away, Dooley,” said Harriet. She moved closer to the phone. “So this thing is reversible, right? It is, isn’t it? Reversible?”

“I guess… I’m not sure,” said Odelia, sounding reluctant to explore this avenue.

“I knew it! So we’ll just have it reversed, and Brutus can get over his little issue and then we’ll have a nice big litter, just like I’ve always wanted.”

“What little issue?” asked Odelia.

“Oh, nothing serious,” said Harriet. “He just thinks that deep down he’s a female, not a male.”

“Wait, what?”

“Can we please discuss all this when you get back?” said Gran, yawning.

“Just a minute—can my thing be reversed, too?” I asked.

“Um…” said Odelia.

A male voice intruded upon her eloquence.“Gran? Hi, Chase here. Look, I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. Got our wires crossed for a minute there.”

“No need to apologize, Chase,” said Gran. “I can see how all this must be very confusing to you.”

“The thing is, all this talk about snipping and neutering and spaying? I mean, can’t this wait until tomorrow? We have croquet in the morning.”

“What did he say?” I asked.

“They’re having croque-monsieur in the morning,” said Gran.

“Not croque-monsieur. Croquet. It’s a sport.”

“Oh, I get it,” said Gran, giving me a wink for some reason. “Is that what you young people call it these days? Good to know. I like some croquet myself from time to time. Which reminds me, I should call Dick. He asked me out on a date last week and I haven’t gotten back to him. Do you knowDick Bernstein? From the senior center? He’s sweet on me. Him and Rock Horowitz both.”

“Look, why don’t we discuss all this when I get back,” said Odelia, taking over the phone again.

“Sure thing, honey,” said Gran. “Rock and Dick can wait.”

“So about this snippy thing,” said Dooley, jostling to get closer to the phone, “it can be reversed, right? In that case I’ll have a reversal, too.”

“We’ll all have reversals,” I said. “Reversals for everyone, please, Odelia.”

“Except for me,” said Brutus, flicking an imaginary speck of dust from his chest. “No reversals needed for The Brutus.”

“Gran,” Chase said. “Hi. Chase again. Why are we still talking?”

With one eye on Brutus, Gran said,“Quick question. Do you remember if Brutus was neutered as a kitten?”

“Of course he was,” Chase said. “First thing my mom did when she got him. Neutered, dewormed, vaccinated and chipped. And now can we finally get back to sleep?”

Brutus’s jaw dropped. “Wait, what?”

“Don’t worry—the whole thing is totally reversible,” I said.

“You neutered me?!” Brutus yelled into the phone. “Are you crazy?”

“I didn’t neuter you, Brutus,” said Odelia. “That was Chase’s mom.”

“Wait, are you talking to Brutus now?” asked Chase. “God, I must be dreaming. This is all a dream, right? Am I dreaming?”

“You tell Chase to tell his mom there’s such a thing as my body—my choice!” Brutus yelled. “Tell him!”

“It’ll all work out fine,” said Odelia.

“My body—my choice!” Brutus cried.

“Hey, maybe this is a good thing,” said Dooley. “You wanted to be turned from a male into a female, right? Well, you’re halfway there, Brutus. They neutered you, so now it’s only one small step to becoming a real female!”