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Finally it dawned on Kingman that we were deadly serious.“You’re not kidding,” he said, wiping the tears from his eyes. He turned his attention to a somber-looking Brutus and Harriet. “Lovers’ tiff? Is that’s what’s going on here?”

“Not exactly,” I said. “Brutus. You better tell him.”

“I’m having doubts,” said Brutus.

“Doubts? Doubts about what?”

“I’m not so sure if deep down I’m not a female rather than a male,” said Brutus, darting a quick glance around to make sure no one overheard him. This was deep stuff, and he didn’t need cat choir members making fun of him.

Kingman blinked.“Wait, let me get this straight. You think that deep down you might be a female and not a male?”

“That’s right.”

“Who gave you that idea?!” Kingman cried, and looked as if he were on the verge of another bout of hilarity.

“No one,” said Brutus gruffly. “I discovered this all by myself.”

“Well, you did see that Discovery Channel documentary,” I reminded him.

“Yeah, but that only served to remind me of a truth I always knew I knew. On a subconscious level, if you see what I mean. In my heart of hearts.”

“Oh, my God,” said Harriet, rolling her eyes.

“It did!” said Brutus.

“Brutus is confused,” I said, “so we thought he should probably talk to a shrink.” I was walking on eggshells, Brutus’s foul glances and grumpy face warning me he might explode at any moment, like one of those volcanoes that suddenly erupt and slay a town full of unsuspecting natives.

“Look, I don’t know no shrink,” said Kingman. “In fact I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a cat needing a shrink before, but what I can tell you is that you need to talk this thing through with your girlfriend. I mean, how doyou feel about all of this, Harriet?”

“I think it’s ridiculous. Brutus is the manliest cat I’ve ever met. And now for him to suddenly think he’s a female deep inside is just ridiculous.” She gave Brutus a slap. “Just get over yourself, Brutus. Get your head straight.”

“My head is straight,” said Brutus gruffly. “And for your information, I can’t help what I feel, can I? And if I feel like deep inside there’s a female waiting to burst out, then there’s a frickin’ female waiting to burst out.”

“Sounds more like one of themAlien movies to me,” said Kingman.

But Harriet wasn’t finished. “And listen to this, Kingman. Now he’s trying to convince me that deep down inside I’m actually a male and he’s a female and we need to do some kind of switcheroo thing. Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? Me! A male!”

“Yeah, well,” Kingman said, rubbing his chin. “Then again, we have to respect Brutus’s feelings on this, Harriet, so if he really feels he’s a female…”

“Exactly!” said Brutus, vindicated now that a person with authority like Kingman decided to back him up. “You can’t argue with feelings, snookie.”

“Don’t call me snookie. And how about babies, huh? How about starting a family? How am I supposed to have babies now, with you wanting to have your equipment… rearranged? Max, tell Kingman what you told us.”

“About the…”

“Operation.”

Brutus gulped at the mention of the word. He might have a female waiting to burst out of him, but he clearly wasn’t ready to give her the all-clear.

“If Brutus is serious about turning into a female, he should probably have an operation,” I told Kingman. “Humans do it all the time. Women turn into men and men into women and sometimes, just for the fun of it, they change their minds and do it all over again. It’s a very common thing these days.”

“But if he does that, how are we ever going to have babies!” Harriet cried. “It’s just not fair!”

Kingman cleared his throat.“Babies?” he said. “You want babies?”

“Well, maybe not right now, but at some point, sure. Who doesn’t?”

Kingman coughed.“Um, and how do you feel about this, Brutus?”

“Well, of course I want to have babies, too, but maybe first we should do the switcheroo thing. So I’ll have the babies and Harriet will do… the other bit.” He didn’t seem entirely sure about this part, though, for I had the impression he’d gone a little white around the nostrils. Toughto tell, though, with all of that black fur.

Kingman coughed again.

“Are you coming down with something, Kingman?” asked Dooley.

“No, no, I’m fine,” said Kingman. “It just strikes me as odd that Odelia never gave you… the talk.”

“The talk?” I said. “What talk?”

“Well,the talk. About…” He made a gesture as if cutting a piece of twine with his claws. “Snip-snip.”

“Snip-snip?” I said, not comprehending.

He groaned.“Oh, boy. Y’all better sit down for this one.” We all sat down. Then Kingman took a deep breath. “Max and Dooley—you were both neutered as infants. And you, Harriet, were spayed. I’m not sure about you, Brutus, as you’re new in town, but every kitten born in Hampton Cove is neutered or spayed as a rule. No exceptions. They’re pretty strict about it.”

We stared at him, not comprehending. I smiled, confused.“What are you talking about? What is this ‘neutering’ thing? Or the ‘spaying?’”

“Odelia should have told you—you’ve all been fixed.”