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“Good idea. I’ll arrange it with Chase. I can play the victim and Chase can hide in the bushes, waiting for the creep to attack me.”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, honey,” he said, the thought of his niece being bait for some weirdo frankly appalling.

“Do you have a better idea?”

“No, frankly I don’t,” he admitted.

“I’ll run it by Chase. Oh, and is it true that he’s now the acting chief?”

“Yeah, he is. Charlene—Mayor Butterwick—didn’t think it was a good idea for me to stay on as chief while she got to the bottom of this mess.”

“Bad advice,” said Odelia curtly. “Now it looks as if you’re admitting guilt, and the Mayor is punishing you. So I’ll talk to her as well. Don’t you worry, Uncle Alec. I’ll fix this.”

And with these hopeful words, she rang off.

And as he settled back, suddenly a stone came sailing through his living room window, shattering it into a million pieces. He was on his feet in seconds, and when he looked out, he could see two neighborhood kids running away.

He picked up the stone. Around it, a piece of paper had been wrapped.

He unfolded it and read,“YOUR A DED MAN SHIEF RAPIST!”

He tsk-tsked. Again with the terrible spelling.

Chapter 9

Odelia had dropped us off at the house before returning to the office. When we walked in, I saw that Harriet and Brutus had made themselves comfortable on the couch, and were now intently watching that same home shopping network, with the Peppard Pet Food company’s lab coat girl offering them the enticing prospect of snacking on Miracle Cure kibble for the rest of their lives.

“And?” I asked as I joined them. “How did it go?”

“Marge called the Peppard Pet Food people, and Gran called them, and even Tex called them, but so far nothing,” said Brutus sadly.

“Maybe we should get more people to call in,” said Harriet now. “I’ll bet a lot of Marge’s nice library customers would do her this big favor, and also Tex’s patients.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I said. “Marge is about to get kicked out of the library by those same nice customers.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s a long story,” said Dooley, “and a very sad one, too.”

“Maybe you can tell it, Dooley,” I suggested. “You were there from the beginning.”

Dooley’s face took on an appropriately serious expression now that he’d been tasked with this very important assignment. “So Uncle Alec met a woman in the park last night and the woman saw a zombie and then people said he attacked this woman but it was actually the zombie who attacked her and so things got a little mixed up and now Chief Alec isn’t Chief Alec anymore but Chase is and the woman doesn’t want to have her picture on the front page of the newspaper because she thinks it will make the zombie come after her but if she doesn’t Uncle Alec will never get his job back and maybe we’ll all have to move to Alaska soon and be cold and live in the snow.” He took a deep breath.

“Well done, Dooley,” I said. “You gave a very good summary of the recent events as they transpired.”

But Harriet and Brutus didn’t agree with this assessment. On the contrary, they looked thoroughly mystified. “Alaska?” asked Brutus, as this seemed to be the point that had struck him most vividly. “We’re all moving to Alaska? But it’s cold up there!”

“I’m not going,” said Harriet, shaking her head decidedly. “No way. Even though people always think I love snow, because of my gorgeous snowy white fur, I don’t like snow at all. Not really. Snow is cold and wet, and I hate cold and wet. I really do.”

“Alaska isn’t the issue here,” I said. “The issue is that Uncle Alec has been falsely accused and now Odelia is trying to clear his name.”

“I think I could get used to Alaska,” said Brutus. “I think all that snow and ice is good for your blood circulation. And of course you don’t have to spend time outside. I bet inside it’s always nice and warm. And cozy. You like cozy, don’t you, sugar plum?”

“Oh, I do love cozy, sweetums,” said Harriet. “It’s the cold and the wet I don’t like.”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?” I asked. “Uncle Alec is being falsely accused of attacking a woman in the park last night.”

“Yes, and now we have to find a zombie,” said Dooley, “but weirdly enough Odelia isn’t looking for the zombie in the graveyard, as you would expect, but in the park tonight.”

“Zombie?” asked Harriet, finally dragging her mind away from Alaska and its no-doubt myriad pros and cons. “What are you talking about, Dooley? What zombie?”

“Well, Pamela Witherspoon saw a zombie, and then she ran into Uncle Alec, who saved her from being eaten alive, and now everybody thinks he dragged her into the bushes and did bad things to her, and if we can find the zombie he’ll be able to confirm that Uncle Alec did no such thing.”

“Clear now?” I asked, patting my friend on the back for a job well done.

“Clear as mud,” said Brutus, but his attention was already wandering back to the screen, where the Peppard Pet Food company was doing a fine job of making all of our mouths water.