William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

The wiring have I reckon’d, and we shall
Make entrance to the bunker presently.
A-ha, ’tis done, and now the door’s unlock’d!

[A second blast door shuts.

Have I been mock’d by cords and circuitry?
Shall I by wires and cable bested be?

[A stormtrooper shoots Princess Leia in the shoulder. Han Solo rushes to her side.

Leia

Alack!

Han

—My love, my heart, my very life!
I beg thee, tell me thou art well, and that
This wound shall not take what I hold most dear:
E’en thee. Shall this the final moment be,
Shall I live all my life in grave regret
That never did I tell thee what thou mean’st,
Or how completely thou hast won me o’er?
A smuggler’s heart thou hast with cunning seiz’d,
A pirate’s soul thou hast by kindness ta’en.
A scoundrel’s life thou holdest hostage, chuck.
Thus, though I am by trade a smuggling man,
’Tis thou art guilty of a greater crime:
For thou dost practice larceny in love.

Leia

I almost wish my wound were worse to hear
More of thy tender and most soothing words.
But truly, Han, I am not badly hurt.

[The Imperial troops have all been defeated, except two stormtroopers approaching from behind.

TROOPER 2

Be still!

C-3PO

—O my!

TROOPER 2

—Move not, or else thou diest!

[Princess Leia takes out her blaster discreetly, preparing to shoot.

Han

O, I do love thee, Leia dear.

Leia

—I know.

[Princess Leia shoots both stormtroopers.

Han

Well aim’d, my sweet.

C-3PO

—Hurrah! We now are sav’d.

[The AT-ST piloted by Chewbacca and the

Ewoks approaches.

Han

O, ’tis unjust! Another fighter yet?
This battle fierce we very nearly won,
Yet now this final vehicle appears.
How shall we conquer it and still defeat
The too-importunate Imperi’l threat?
Shall we have no relief from enemies?

Chewbac.

[ emerging from the hatch:] Auugh!

Han

—Chewie! Blessèd sight art thou. I pray,
Come quickly down, for she is wounded.

Chewbac.

—Egh!

Han

Nay, wait! [ To Leia:] A keen idea hath come to me,
Which shall unto this doorway be our key.

[Exeunt.

Scene 2.

Space / Inside the second Death Star.

EnterLANDO OF CALRISSIAN, NIEN NUNB, ADMIRAL ACKBAR, WEDGE ANTILLES, andOTHER REBEL PILOTS, dueling withIMPERIAL TROOPSin their ships. EnterLUKE SKYWALKER, DARTH VADER, andEMPEROR PALPATINEon balcony, watching the battle below.

Lando

Take care, good Wedge: three come at thee above!

Wedge

Red Three, Red Two, I prithee, pull ye in!

RED 2

I hear thy word and do attend, good Sir.

RED 3

Now three approach at twenty, by degrees.

Wedge

Cut to the left; the leader is for me.
Toward the frigate medical they fly—
O villainy, to make assault upon
Our injur’d. Nay, they shall not strike us thus!

Lando