William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

It bringeth my heart joy to see thee, Ben,
I’ll heed thy counsel till we meet again.

[Exeunt.

Scene 3.

The rebel fleet, in space.

EnterHAN S OLO and LANDO OF CALRISSIAN.

Han

My friend, well met! ’Tis good to see thee here
And not a’dangling o’er a sarlacc’s pit.
Thou wast promoted well—a general!

Lando

Belike our leaders were inform’d about
Mine actions at the battle of Taanab.

Han

Cast not thine eyes on me for blame or thanks—
I did but tell them thou art pilot fair.
But knew not that they hop’d to find the one
Who would direct this crazy-brain’d attack.

Lando

Nay, “crazy-brain’d” thou sayst? How may that be,
Since thou dost know a thing or two of Death
Star battles and what it doth take to win?
Surpris’d I am that they did not ask thee.

Han

But who hath said that they did not inquire?
Yet I am not of madness made. And thou,
Remember well, art fashion’d of respect.

EnterPRINCESS LEIA, CHEWBACCA, C-3PO, MON MOTHMA, ADMIRAL ACKBAR, GENERAL MADINE, WEDGE ANTILLES, and severalREBEL PILOTS.

MOTHMA

I prithee, gather ’round, ye rebels all,
And mark ye well the message I relay.
The Emperor hath made a critical
Mistake, and our time for attack is nigh.
The data brought to us by Bothan spies
Details th’exact location of the vast
New battle station that the Emperor
Hath underta’en to build. We also know
This battle station’s weapon systems are
Not fully operational as yet.
Th’Imperi’l fleet is spread both far and wide
Throughout the galaxy, with hopes—quite vain
—
That they shall soon engage us in a fight.
And while the fleet’s away, the station hath
But minimal protection. This, my friends,
Would be good news enough, but there is more:
Reliable report hath come to us
That e’en the dreaded Emp’ror Palpatine
Himself doth oversee construction of
The Death Star, and is presently on board.
This news doth cheer us, friends, but pray recall
That many Bothans died to bring it here.
I call on Adm’ral Ackbar to unfold
Our plan so you may know your roles in this,
The final chapter of rebellion’s tale.

[Admiral Ackbar turns on a visual model of the Death Star and the forest moon of Endor.

Ackbar