Voices in a Haunted Room

We went into the inn parlour. It was a charming room, oak-panelled, and brasses gleamed on the walls while a fire burned in the grate.

The host came out rubbing his hands together.

“Well, sir, this is a nice surprise ... to see you here today of all days.”

“Shall we say, Thomas, we are escaping. This is my brother’s wife.”

“Good day, my lady. Welcome to the Dog and Whistle.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “I am told it is a most excellent hostelry.” He bowed in acknowledgement of the compliment and turning to Jonathan said: “And your noble father is, of course, with the royal party?” Jonathan said this was so. “I trust your good lady is well,” he added.

“Oh, Matty will be here in a trice when she hears what company we’ve got. She’s got nothing cooking till tonight, sir. There’s only the cold lamb and roast beef.”

“Put Matty out of her misery at once, Thomas. It’s the cold roast beef we’ve come for.”

“That’s a mighty relief. I’ll just call her.” He went to the door and shouted: “Matty!

Matty! Guess who’s here.”

There was a patter of feet and a plump woman arrived, a mobcap on her thick dark hair and a white apron over her blue cotton dress. Jonathan went to her and picking her up swung her round.

“Oh sir,” she said, dimpling, “you will have your ways, won’t you?

And you here with a young lady ... and no warning so that I can cook something special for you!”

“Then I shall send you to the Tower and insist that you are hanged, drawn and quartered.”

“Ob sir, don’t say such things even in a jest.”

“All right, Matty. I’ll be good, as it is a special day. We want some of your famous roast beef, of which Thomas assures me there is a goodly supply.”

“Give me fifteen minutes, sir, and you’ll be surprised.”

“Fifteen minutes, it shall be.”

“And what shall it be for now ... some ale ... or would you like wine?”

“I’ve got something very special in the cellars,” said Thomas with a wink.

Jonathan returned the wink. “We’ll trust you, Thomas, and if it doesn’t come up to expectations you shall go along with Matty to your judgement. Oh, I forgot ...

I’m on my best behaviour today.” He put Matty down. She was flushed and looking at him with something like adoration.

Was this always the effect he had on women? I thought of Millicent and myself.

Matty curtsied and said she would be off. She’d so much to do and she had to do what was right for such a lady and gentleman.

Thomas brought in the wine and poured it into goblets with such reverence that it might have been the nectar of the gods.

Jonathan sipped it and raised his eyes ecstatically to the ceiling while Thomas beamed.

They seemed really fond of him, those two. Or perhaps this was the way they welcomed all their visitors to the Dog and Whistle, I thought cynically; but I did not really believe that.

“There’ll be crowds in the City, I reckon,” said Thomas, gazing at the wine and then back at us, and it was hard to detect which he admired most.

“All are celebrating the wedding with glee-except the bridegroom, it appears,” said Jonathan.

“They say he compares his bride with Mrs. Fitzherbert.”

“And,” added Jonathan, “the comparison is not very favourable to the Princess.”

“But there’s that Lady Jersey, sir, his latest. If you ask me, His Royal Highness doesn’t know what he wants.”

Jonathan smiled at me. “He’s like a great many more of us, I fear,” he said. “There you are, sir. I’ll just go to the kitchen to give Matty a hand. She’ll be ready as soon as she can.”

“Tell her not to hurry. We’re happy here.”

The door shut on us.

“What luck to have the room to ourselves. Usually it’s crowded. See how wise I was to come here.”

“They seem very pleasant ... the host and hostess.”

“They’re a good hardworking couple.”

“And you come here often?”

“Frequently. They know me well. But I must assure you that I am on excellent terms with many keepers of inns and taverns.”

“Ah,” I said. “It is this secret work ...”

“You are very interested to know more about that, are you not, little Claudine?”

“I am interested in everyone.”

“Well, you are right. People frequent taverns. They are inclined to drink too much.

They talk. Do you understand?”

“I see. You are a very mysterious man.”

“That’s what makes me so attractive.”

“To people like Matty, for whom you know how to mingle the right brand of condescension and flirtation.”

“Oh, did you like the mixture?”

“I saw the point of it, of course.”

“Matty liked it.”

“I’m sure she did. The grand gentleman ... the one who spends money in her husband’s inn. Of course she liked it.”

“You have to admit it was a slightly different approach.”

“Absolutely. But you did promise to forget all that, to behave in a manner which would be acceptable in any company.”

“I don’t remember the exact words, but I have promised to show you a new Jonathan, the man of honour.”

“I think you are going to find it rather hard to convince me.”

“Nevertheless, before this day is out you are going to change your opinion of me.