Voices in a Haunted Room

He smiled at me maliciously. “It’s a wise father who knows his own child. How wise is David? How wise am I?”

“It pleases you to be flippant. Jonathan, let me alone. It’s over ... done with.

We have sinned terribly against David. I shall try to do everything I can to make him happy. Won’t you help me?”

“I certainly will. You don’t think I’m going to tell him: ‘Your wife is a very passionate little lady, which I discovered to my delight.’ What do you take me for?”

I looked at him steadily and wondered: What? He frightened me. Why, oh why, when he stood before me with his blue eyes alight, should I feel that desire to be close to him, to forget for a while everything but that overwhelming sexual satisfaction which he alone could provide?

I was trembling a little. I was sure he was aware of it. He was a man who had had a great deal of experience in what he called love. I am not sure that I called it that.

What was it I felt for him? Love? No. It had a less pleasant name. It was lust. But where did lust end and love begin? I loved David. I wanted to be with David. I wanted never to hurt him and yet this man had made me break my marriage vows and hurt David in a manner which could be more wounding than anything else I could do; and still, although I was trying not to admit it, I was drawn to him.

I was ignorant, inexperienced. I could not understand myself and I was afraid.

I tried to speak firmly. “It’s all over, Jonathan. I’m deeply regretful that it ever happened. I don’t know what possessed me.”

He came closer and laid a hand on my shoulder. “I do, Claudine,” he said softly.

“I do.”

I stepped backwards.

“You can’t do without me,” he said, “any more than I can do without you. We were meant for each other. What a pity you galloped into marriage!”

“And now you are about to do the same.”

“Not a gallop. A graceful, well-planned canter.”

“I’m sorry for Millicent.”

“You shouldn’t be. She is perfectly contented.”

“When she discovers she is married to a philanderer, what will she think? A man who is contemplating marriage with her and at the same time is trying to seduce another woman.”

“She is delighted with the amalgamation of the two families. You don’t realize what that is going to mean. She does-and so do her papa and mama. Millicent is too worldly not to realize that there are certain concessions to be made even in the best of bargains.”

“You are so calculating.”

“All part of my success.”

“And I am tired. Good night.”

He caught my hand.

“Are you going to tell me that you don’t love me any more?”

“I never loved you. It was something different. I know that now.”

“Well, whatever it was, it was rather fierce, wasn’t it?”

“I was foolish. I can only say ignorant. Please, Jonathan, I want to forget it. When you are married you will be mainly in London. Don’t think we can ever start again.”

“Is that what you want?”

“With all my heart.”

“For the sort of man I am it is a challenge. That which is out of reach is always more desirable than that which falls into one’s hands. You’re challenging me, Claudine.”

“I am telling you to let me alone. Good night.”

I went to the door. He laughed and I heard him say: “I never give up.”

I ran into the hall. David was just coming in with Harry.

“Safely delivered to her home,” said David, referring to Evie. He put an arm round me and I smiled at him.

“You’re tired,” he said.

“It’s been a long day.”

“The christening went off perfectly,” said Harry. “The babies were very good ... on the whole.”

“Particularly Amaryllis,” said David proudly. “She is a beautiful child.”

Harry smiled at me. “Fond parent,” he said.

“I think Evie enjoyed it,” I put in.

“Oh yes,” agreed David. “She was rather reluctant to go home, I believe. Grandma Trent was waiting up for her. There was a candle hi one of the windows. She was obviously watchful. She dashed down and wanted us to come in for some sloe gin or elderberry or dandelion or something. We pleaded the lateness of the hour.”

“She is devoted to her grand-daughters,” I said.

“No doubt about that,” added Harry.

We had come to the room which Harry was using so we said good night and left him there.

David and I went on to ours.

“Such a happy day it’s been! Shall we just peep into the nursery to look at her?”

So we went there and stood on either side of the sleeping child.

David looked down at her with wonder. Nothing ... nothing must disturb his happiness.

Meeting in a Coffee House

Christmas came and went. There were the usual feasting and games. Our neighbours came in as they had done the previous year and that included Mrs. Trent with her grand-daughters. The Farringdons were our guests and of course the Pettigrews. Lady Pettigrew said that we should have spent Christmas with them this year, but the babies made travelling difficult and so it was easier to celebrate the festive season at Eversleigh.

The marriage of Jonathan and Millicent was to take place in June and we must travel there then, said my mother, for the babies would be older, and that would simplify matters.