Under the Lights

I turn to glare at Shannah. “This is seriously pathetic, even for you.”

She just smiles sunnily at me, and I know she’s getting paid more than I am to be here.

“Oh, look, the main course is here.” One of my mother’s many house minions — I can’t even keep track of them by name — comes in with a huge platter of steaks, and finally, this night is looking up. I can’t even imagine Shannah touching one, and she doesn’t disappoint — just ignores the woman and points at the salad instead.

“So, Josh,” Shannah says when we’ve all got food on our plates, a quiet process I’m sure they’ll be cutting out, especially so the minion doesn’t get any airtime, “I’m really excited about your party next weekend.”

“You’re not invited to the party,” I inform her, cutting a huge piece of steak and shoving it into my mouth as I eye the wine bottle near my mom with envy.

“What party, honey?”

As if my mother gives a shit. I can already tell there’s a reason she’s asking I’m not gonna like. “I’m having a party at my — at the Malibu house for the Daylight Falls cast and crew. As a wrap-up for the show. A show you’re not on,” I add pointedly to Shannah.

“Zoe invited me,” she says sweetly, as if I like Zoe any better. She’s not even as hot.

“What a lovely idea.” Marsha looks pleased, and I can practically feel her winking at the cameras, as if there’s a chance in hell I’d let them near the party.

“You know not a single person there would sign a waiver letting them be on a reality show, right?”

“Oh, I’m sure a few would be okay with it,” Shannah says airily, and I wonder if I could get away with kicking her under the table.

“Well, it’s something to talk about.” Marsha’s voice is the sweet-with-an-edge she’s perfected over years of soap work, and normally it rolls off my back, but today it reminds me I’ve actually got something at stake. She’s got my back against a wall — again — and it needs to end. She needs to stop having any semblance of control over my life. And apparently, the only way to make that happen is to give up control over the one thing she’s got.

Which means it’s time for me to find a real job and a new home.

Chapter Ten Vanessa

How’s your salad?” Zander asks me for the second time. He has a bit of cilantro on his cheek, but I’ve already told him about it a couple of times, and I’ve gotten bored of watching him try to get it. His fault for not realizing cilantro is terrible.

“Still good,” I say, trying to sound cheerful. We’ve been at Giunio’s for twenty minutes, having exactly this kind of boring back-and-forth, both of us just kind of poking at our food. How is it possible that I can have lengthy conversations with Brianna and even Josh, but I can’t talk to my own boyfriend? “This place is cute.”

“Jamie and Robin came here last week and said it was swarming with paparazzi.” He frowns, but only for a second, because Zander Wilson never frowns for longer than that. “Doesn’t seem to be the night for them, but at least the food’s good.”

“It’s kind of nice to have some privacy for once,” I offer, because that sounds like how I should feel. I wish it was. Not that I love posing for the paparazzi all the time, but at least when Zander and I are in a conversational dead zone, they kick us into action, get us holding hands and flirting. And it’s fun. I like those parts of being in a relationship.

I just think it’d be nice to have the feelings behind it, too.

Not that I’m trying very hard. I hide a sigh in my mineral water. I suck at this. And if I want things to be better, I have to make more of an effort.

Taking a deep, cleansing breath that would make Raoul proud, I reach across the table and rub the piece of cilantro from Zander’s lip, letting my finger linger there for a second too long. His lips really are nice and soft; if only I didn’t know it’s because he has an intense lip-care regimen.

He smiles, and I know I’ve made the right move.

“Yeah, I’m glad your plans changed tonight and you were able to come out.” He takes my hand and squeezes it, then places it gently back on the table. “I feel like we haven’t spent much time together lately.”

“It’s true.” I spear a piece of calamari and take a bite. “It’s been hard for me with Ally leaving, so…” I’m about to tell him I’ve been hanging out with Brianna more, but for some reason, I don’t want to bring her up with him. Not like he cares who I’m shopping or working out with these days, anyway. “Um, yeah. You still wanna go to Beyoncé’s concert next week, right?”

“Of course. And the Wonder Ball is coming up next month. Did I mention Jamie’s having a party beforehand?”

“You didn’t, but that sounds great.” I push some extra warmth into my smile and take his hand. “We should also just…hang out more. It was nice when you came by my trailer the other week. Maybe I could come by the studio for a rehearsal sometime?”

“I’d like that.” He strokes the back of my hand with his thumb as he says it, and it feels nice.

I can totally do this.