Time for Silence

I wanted to ask questions about the man whom I believed to be Carl Zimmerman, but I did not feel I could do so in front of Edward. One can never be sure how much children understand. They often appear to be not listening when they are taking in everything. I kept thinking that if it had been Carl Zimmerman, he would be seeing his son for the first time. He would not know, of course, but what might have been an ordinary encounter in the forest had taken on a dramatic turn.

Secrets, I thought. Everywhere there were secrets.

I took the first opportunity of talking to Andrée.

“That man you were with…” I said.

She wrinkled her brows and looked puzzled.

“The man you were talking to when I came upon you in the forest.”

“Oh, you mean the one who was asking the way?”

“Yes. I just wondered if you’d seen him before?”

“No. Why should you think that?”

“Oh, it was something Edward said about your meeting a man in the forest.”

“Edward?”

“Yes, he said he’d seen a man.”

She flushed slightly. “Oh, he must have meant Tom Gilroy.”

“Isn’t he one of the male nurses?”

“Yes. The big strong one.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Well, we have been rather friendly, and we have met once or twice in the forest.”

“Oh, I see.” I smiled. It was natural that a girl like Andrée should have an admirer. But I was still shocked by the encounter with Carl Zimmerman. Then I began to think I might have been mistaken.

I had soon convinced myself that the stranger who had asked Andrée the way had merely looked like him. After all, the meeting had been over in a few minutes.

Nineteen-seventeen was coming to an end. It had been a momentous year. There had been a revolution in Russia, and the armistice between that country and Germany had released more German forces to be used on the Western Front. Nearer home, just before Christmas, Robert had been called before the medical board in London and pronounced fit for military service. The news depressed us considerably, though Robert took it philosophically.

“Couldn’t hang on much longer,” he said with a grimace.

“Oh, Robert,” I cried and clung to him.

I almost said that we should become engaged. If he had pressed me then, I should have said I would marry him. I kept telling myself that I loved him. He was far more perceptive than he pretended to be, and I believe he did not want to force me to a decision until I was absolutely sure.

Just after Christmas he came down to Marchlands and told us that he was going to do a course on Salisbury Plain and would be there for six weeks.

We were jubilant.

“Six weeks!” said my mother. “And the course does not start until mid-January. It’s a reprieve.”

“You’re very fond of Robert, aren’t you?” I said.

“My dear Lucinda, who could help being fond of Robert? He’s one of the nicest people I know.”

I felt that I was being gently nudged toward Robert, which made me feel I wanted to hold off. I could see what the future would be. The Denver estate would be my home, Aunt Belinda my mother-in-law, Annabelinda my sister-in-law.

I should be close to my own family, of course. I should see Marcus often. But perhaps he and Annabelinda would go off to foreign places—Bombay, Madras, Colombo. My life would be very little different from what it always had been.

My father came down to Marchlands for most weekends.

“He looks a little strained,” said my mother. “I do hate his being alone up there for most of the week.”

He and my mother went for walks in the forest. I think he had very few secrets from her and I sensed that they were both uneasy.

It was January. Robert was no longer at Marchlands, having left for the course.

“It doesn’t seem the same without him,” my mother said. “He is always so cheerful, so understanding. I think you miss him very much, Lucinda.”

“Yes, I do.”

“I have an idea. Why don’t you get away from Marchlands for a while? Why not go to London and be with your father? I worry about him up there on his own. You’d be company for him.”

It did seem a good idea, for I was missing Robert very much.

I was getting worried. There was no sign of an end to the war, and when the course was finished, Robert would have to go out there into danger. There would be less to remind me of him in London and I should see him when he came back from the course.

“I should miss Edward,” I said. “And I think he rather depends on me.”

“Perhaps he and Andrée could go up with you. Then you’d have plenty to do.”

“Andrée might not be so eager.”

“She seems to enjoy trips to London.”

“Yes. But now she is getting friendly with Tom Gilroy, I think.”

“Really? Nice man, Tom.”

“So I think and, apparently, so does she.”

“How did you know?”

“Edward rather betrayed it.”

“Edward?”

“He told me that they met a man in the forest. And Andrée told me it was Tom Gilroy.”

“Oh, I’m glad.”

“Why do people who are happily married want to arrange marriages for everyone else?”

“Because they want them to enjoy similar marital bliss, of course.”

We laughed.

“Sound out Andrée,” said my mother. “See what she says. She need not be there all the time if she’s so anxious to be with Tom.”