Time for Silence

“Andrée meets a man, does she?”

He nodded.

“What? Every time?”

“A lot of times. They talk. They walk the horses. Andrée keeps looking at me. She says, ‘Stay there, Edward.’ ”

“And do you stay there?”

He nodded.

“Do you know the man? Is he someone from the hospital?”

He shook his head vigorously.

“So, he’s a stranger?”

“He’s a stranger.” He mouthed the word and repeated it as he often did when he heard a word for the first time.

“The forest’s nice,” he said. “When I’m five I won’t have a leading rein. I’ll ride fast. I’ll gallop….”

“I am sure you will.”

I was thinking about Andrée’s meeting with a stranger. A man. Well, she was young; she was quite good-looking. It hadn’t occurred to me before that she might have an admirer.

We were halfway through September, and Robert was still with us. Dr. Egerton still was not entirely satisfied and thought that a little more rest was needed. He said he wanted to keep his eye on this patient for a little longer.

We were all relieved. Often I would feel Robert’s wistful eyes on me and I wanted then to do anything to comfort him. I was fully aware of how miserable I should be if he went away and what terrible anxiety I should suffer wondering what was happening to him. The third Battle of Ypres had begun and there was particularly bitter fighting at this time. The casualties were great. I used to shudder when bad cases were brought to us, and I always thought, That might have been Robert.

Sybil Egerton talked to me about him. We had grown accustomed to calling her Sybil now. “Mrs. Egerton” was too formal and she was no longer “Miss Carruthers.” She was at the hospital every day, arriving with her husband and staying until early evening. She was very efficient, practical, a little brisk and quite unsentimental. This suited some of those who were severely wounded, for she made them feel that they were not so badly off as they had imagined and that there were others far worse. She used to read to those whose eyesight was damaged, and it made my mother and me smile to see her in one of the little rooms with those who could get there, reading Dickens to them. It was like a small class and she was very much the schoolmistress, but it happened to be just the treatment they needed. Marrying the doctor had added to her stature.

She announced to me in her straightforward manner, “Robert Denver is in love with you.”

I did not answer and she went on. “He is a good man and you could not find anyone more suited to you.”

“I’ve known him all my life,” I said.

“So much the better. He is the antithesis of his sister.”

“I know.”

“I’m sure he would make you happy. Marriage is the ideal state…providing it is the right marriage.”

Having found satisfaction herself in this state, she felt herself qualified to help others to do likewise.

She was smiling wisely at me, indicating that if I needed any advice on the matter, I should come to her.

My mother also talked to me of Robert.

“It seems odd to want to hold back someone’s recovery, but I do hope Robert stays with us a little longer. Surely this miserable war must come to an end soon. He does care for you, you know.”

“Sybil was talking about him.”

“Oh, yes, she was telling me how pleased she would be to see you settled. I think you are very fond of Robert.”

“Yes, I am. He…he has asked me.”

“You haven’t said no.”

“I am not sure….”

“I see. He’s a good man, Lucinda. One of the best. He’s like his father. Who but Sir Robert would have put up with Belinda all these years?”

“I can’t be hurried into anything so serious.”

“You’re not still thinking of…?”

It was always thus between us. We knew each other’s minds so well that we followed the working of them without having to put it into words.

“My dear Lucinda,” she said. “It’s all for the best that it ended like this. I don’t think you would have been happy with him. He is very attractive and has all the social graces…but there is something superficial about him…something too worldly. You would have been disappointed. You’re not like that at all. You’re honest and sincere. He was brought up in a different atmosphere from the one you were. There would have been irritations in time.”

“Whereas I’ve known Robert all my life.”

“That’s no drawback.”

“There are no surprises,” I said. “It’s all so predictable.”