Three Little Words

“Planning our future together.” She broke the tension with a laugh as bright as a spring day. “Oh my gosh! Your penis just about fainted.” She licked pre-come and then kept sucking till my erection returned. “There, that’s better. He just needed a little attention.”

“He’s simple like that.”

“No, he’s really very complex. But he isn’t good at hiding his emotions.

He can’t lie to me like you can. Wait, I take that back. You don’t lie to me,

but you hide things all the time.”

“For your own protection.”

“I know. And you’ll tell me everything eventually. But your penis can’t hide anything.”

“Evidently not,” I grumbled.

“Oh, relax,” she said softly. Then she kissed the penis in question. “I kind of like when he tells me things. And you have to admit, I make both of you happy.”

“Mmm, you do.”

“And I’m not your sister, even though I sort of look like her. A smaller version, at least.” She laughed, softer and more affectionate. “I’ve always been annoyed that I’m so small. I mean, my brothers are all normal-sized.

How come I got the shrimp genes in the family? But now I kinda like it. I mean, it’d be weird if I was more like Erin or your mom.”

“Totally,” I lied.

She paused and cocked her head to look at me. Her brow furrowed. “You know, for a moment…”

I raised an eyebrow as innocently as I could.

“Sorry. Never mind. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

A reckless part of me wasn’t ready to let it go. “What do you mean? You don’t think Erin and I—”

“No! Of course not! Never in a million years. Only, for a moment… No, forget I said anything.”

Discretion finally kicked in, but a small part of me realized that she hadn’t been disgusted. More like embarrassed and even a bit curious. Note to self…, I thought.

“Anyway, where was I?” Christy said. “Oh, yes… talking about Wren and love and sex and all.”

“Right.”

She shook her head as if to clear it. “Sorry.” She glanced at my dick and noticed that it was still hard. Then she narrowed her eyes with the same look of calculation I’d seen on her father. “Sorry,” she said again. “What were we talking about?”

“Wren,” I said blandly, although I was grinning on the inside. “And love and sex and all.”

“Oh, yeah! Right.” She made an effort to focus. “So, you remember she thought I was being silly because I wouldn’t go all the way, and I sort of

agreed with her?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Well, I figured out why I’m not being silly.”

“Oh? Why?”

“The physical part still scares me a little, the size difference especially, but I know we’ll make it work. I guess what really scares me is the emotional part. And…” She glanced up to judge how I reacted to her next words. “The spiritual part.”

I clamped down on my immediate disapproval and looked at her with mild interest instead. It was the right decision, because she immediately relaxed.

“I know you gave me the cross,” she said as she fingered the necklace,

“and you let me go to Mass on Sunday, but… you still get this look of disapproval about anything religious.”

I almost admitted that I’d used the same word to myself. Almost.

“But I guess it’s like me and anything to do with sex. My first reaction is to think it’s dirty, but that isn’t how you think about it.”

“No.”

“So I’ve been trying to change, to think of sex like you do. And I know you’ve been trying to do the same with me, to understand how God is just part of my everyday life.”

I nodded slowly, unsure where she was going.

“So I guess what I’m trying to say is that for me, sex is spiritual too. It’s a bond between a man and a woman. No, I take that back. Love is spiritual. I think you’re probably right, sex is just something physical. But it’s different with me and you. I finally understood that, when Wren was talking about you.”

“How do you mean?”

“I guess the best way to explain it is to talk about her and Trip. I know you want me to have sex with him, and I’ll be honest, that really scares me.

But it isn’t about love. It’s ‘just sex.’ It feels weird to say that, but I think I understand now. And most of the time it’s ‘just sex’ with Wren and me.

She… doesn’t get attached like I do. I’m not saying that’s wrong,” she added quickly, “just that it’s different.”

I nodded.

“But I’m not like that. I’ve totally fallen for you. And I’m in real danger, like you said. The till-death-do-us-part kind. So sex with you will never be

‘just sex.’ It’ll always be more. And that’s why I’m not ready. I’m scared.

What if I’m wrong? What if you aren’t The One? What if we don’t connect on a spiritual level? What if, what if, what if?”

She drew a deep, unsteady breath and continued, “I know that’s a lot to deal with at once, but I had to tell you. I’ve had it bottled up for two days, thinking about it and trying to decide if I should say anything or not. I mean, it’d be easy to simply spread my legs and let you do what we both want.

But… I’m not that kind of girl. I know you hate it when I say that, but—”