The World Without Flags

I squeeze his hand. “Hey,” I tell him. “We don’t have to do this now.”

Pest shakes his head. “I do, I do,” he says. He shakes his head and I see that his eyes are filling with tears. “People come and go,” he continues. “In this world, people just come into your life and then they’re gone, you know?” He looks at me as if he needs my help.

“I know,” I say to him.

“I just want to say…” He trails off and takes a deep breath. “I’m just grateful I know you.”

I’m having a hard time keeping myself together. I squeeze his hand again. “Me too,” I say. It sounds stupid, but I can’t think of anything else to say. “But nothing’s going to happen,” I continue. “We’re going to find the Good Prince, and then we’re going to have all the time in the world to talk, okay?”

Pest nods. He stands up and takes a deep breath. I see one single trail of a tear on his cheek, and I’m aware suddenly at how bad the both of us are with this. How just the thought of making a connection seems brutally stupid and impossible in this world. How it nearly breaks us to take this chance. I understand the effort it must have been for him to say what he said and the effort it takes just for me to hear it without running for the hills. For the first time I see something about myself that I know I will have to change. We can’t live like this. I have to reach out to him. I never reached out to Eric either. I never said I loved him. I never told him how much he means to me. I’ve always thought of myself as brave, but I realize now that I’m just terrified, terrified of everyone that I care about, terrified that they’ll leave me alone, just like so many have left me before. What Pest just did was the real act of bravery, and I’m filled with admiration for him. I need him, I see that. He can help me learn to live in this world, learn to truly live. Not just to breathe and eat, but much more than that. I know then suddenly, stunningly, that I know a lot, but I don’t know the first thing about how to love someone.

The realization is so powerful that I want to tell Pest that I’m just awkward and new at this and that if he’ll just be patient, we can talk as much as he wants, but that right now, I have to focus on getting Eric some help. I want to say all this as best I can and hope he understands, but just then Queen’s ears prick up and she leaps to her feet and bounds into the forest.

“Someone’s coming,” Pest says and darts away after the dog. I follow as quick as I can, and when I come to edge of the forest, I see a familiar figure on horseback riding leisurely through the forest.

116

“Oh man,” Randy the Vandal says as I lead Eric to him. “You’ve looked better, buddy,” he tells Eric. I appreciate that he talks to him.

For once we’re having some good luck! When we saw it was Randy riding Tangerine, the both of us ran down the hill to greet him. We both trust him to do the right thing. Just to see Randy turn towards us in surprise and then laugh in recognition made my heart rise. We really need the help.

“We’re trying to get him to the Good Prince,” I explain. “Eric said that she knew how to help people with the Worm. She’s his only chance.”

Randy turns his head toward me. His brilliant green eyes twinkle like sunshine on a lake. “You’re in luck,” he says with a wink. “I’m headed her way right now.”

I actually cry out in delight and before I know it, I give Randy a good, tight hug. He hugs me back with a laugh, but I can tell he’s surprised by my attention because his body is tense.

“It’s good to see a familiar face out here,” Pest says as I pull away from Randy.

“I imagine it is,” Randy says with a smile. “It’s not easy out here on the best of days. Dragging around him must have complicated matters somewhat.” He points at Eric with a grin.

“Unh,” Eric says.

“You said it, pal,” Randy chuckles. He smiles over at me. I don’t know why, but it makes me uncomfortable somehow. Randy might have seen the discomfort on my fact because he smiles a crooked, mischievous smile at me like he’s playing a joke on me or something. I can’t help but laugh a little.

“We have to move,” he says finally. “We’ll talk on the road. I think if we push it, we can make it to the Good Prince by late evening.”

I feel like I’m almost floating from relief. Finally a little relief, a little luck. In no time at all, the three of us are marching down the road. As usual, Eric sets the pace with his shambling walk. I wish Randy had his wagon as he normally does. Then we could really make time. But it’s a minor gripe, considering.