The Rogue Crew

“You’re nought but trouble, Dibby Drampik. Now wot’ve you been up to, eh? No good, I’ll be bound!”

She had the little empraking out of his chair doing an agonised dance as she tweaked his ear fiercely. He was squeaking pitifully.

“Owyeek, leggo! I wasn’t up to nothin’, Dukky darling. Those rabbets were tryin’ to cross through our lands. Yaaaargh! Ooh! Yeek! You’ll pull my ear off!”

Captain Rake noticed that though the shrews and lizards were still facedown in front of royalty, there was a good deal of giggling and mirth at the empraking’s dilemma. His dumpy little wife was still berating him.

“Silence or I’ll pull both your ears off! Huh, you never listen to what I say anyway. Is that wot all the fuss was, a few travellers passin’ through?”

The older pygmy shrew with the carved driftwood stick spoke out hesitantly. “But, Majesty, they were intruders, trespassing on Bloodripper ground!”

“Shuttup, you dodderin’ ole fool. Who asked you, eh?” She turned upon her unfortunate husband again. “I put that rule there for vermin—foxes, rats an’ such like. Have ye got mud in yore eyes as well as yore ears? Do they look like vermin? Well, do they?”

With tears streaming down his face, her husband wailed, “No, no, my sweet Dukky dear. Owowow, my poor ear!”

She released him with a shove that sent him flat on his tail. Instantly her demeanour changed. The queen put on a polite smile, offering Lieutenant Scutram her paw.

“Sorry ’bout that. I’m Her Majesty Queen Dukwina Drampik, an’ you are . . . ?”

Scutram flourished an elegant bow, kissing her paw. “Lieutenant Algernon Scutram of the Long Patrol at Salamandastron, at y’service, marm. These other hares”—he stressed the word hares—“are Captain Rake Nightfur an’ Colour Sergeant Miggory.”

A female lizard attendant whispered something to Dukwina, pointing up at the sky. She nodded.

“Captain, as you can see, a rainstorm is due. May I offer you an’ your friends our hospitality?”

Rake saluted gallantly. “Och, we’d be obliged tae ye, marm!”

The Bloodrippers’ communal home came as a revelation. A short way into the dunes, it had been built in a clearing between four of the high sandhills, connecting them under a huge roof. Scutram was mightily impressed at the construction.

“Beggin’ pardon, marm, but how’s this all been made, wot?”

She called a shrew who was wearing an apron. He had thick crystal spectacles and a charcoal drawing stick behind one ear. “Burmboss, tell our friend what you do.”

Burmboss smiled over the rim of his glasses. “Mats, that’s the thing, sir. Mats made out o’ thick woven dunegrass, aye, big mats made by scores o’ weavers. Sand then, good, sharp shoresand, limestone, ground down to powder, white wood ash an’ fresh water. My workers makes it into a paste—cement, ye might say. Then ’tis plastered o’er the mats an’ erected.”

He took Scutram to a section that reached the ground. Knocking his paw against the surface of the wall, he proclaimed proudly, “See? Tougher’n a hazelnut shell, but light. Warm in winter, cool in summer, an’ ’twill last forever. Providin’ the dunes stay where they are, supportin’ it. Oh, an’ with a final outer coat o’sand, it’s invisible from the outside. Just looks like part of the dunes to those as don’t know.”

There was a firepit at the centre of the dwelling, and there were several clay ovens. Queen Dukwina bade the guests sit on soft woven mats. They were given drinks.

Miggory sipped approvingly. “Hmm, tastes like wild fennel an’ coltsfoot ’erbs—very nice!”

The old tabard-clad shrew took a message from a sand lizard and communicated it to Dukwina. “Majesty, there’s almost a score o’ rabbet—er, hares—proceeding along the dunetops toward us.”

Dukwina scowled at the empraking’s counsellor, who was obviously in her disfavour. “Proceeding, ye say, Vigbil? Aren’t they marching, walking or running, like any normal creature? Well, don’t stand there thinkin’ up more fancy terms. Go out an’ meet them. Proceed them in here, if y’please, so our cooks can feed ’em.”

With the arrival of the column, there was consternation amongst the shrews and lizards at the sight of Crumdun, the captive stoat, being led on a rope. Empraking Dibby was first to complain.

“Vermin, vermin—take it out an’ slay it!”

Dukwina twitched a paw at him. “Dibby, dearest, d’ye want me to treat your ear again? No? Then hold your tongue an’ go an’ help the cooks.” The king went off nursing his ear, muttering sulkily, “S’not fair. It’s Vigbil’s turn. I did it yesterday!”

Dukwina ignored him, beckoning to the hares of the column who had newly arrived. “Come in, sit ye down—you two, sit by me!”

Ferrul and Buff Redspore, whom she had indicated, did as they were bade. There was an immediate hurry to serve them with drinks before the rest.

Rake Nightfur murmured aside to Miggory, “Looks like the lassies rule the roost here, mah friend.”

The craggy-featured sergeant shrugged. “Ye could be right, sah, but h’I ain’t sayin’ nothin’ ’cos h’I don’t want t’get me h’ear twisted.”