The pool of St Branok

She shrank. "I couldn't do that. I'm not ill. I just get worried and then I can't sleep. I feel better when I take this. I sleep and sleep. Then I wake up and feel better. Things always seem different in the mornings."

"I don't know whether you should be taking that, Lizzie. Does Ben know?"

She shook her head. "You won't tell him, will you? I wouldn't want him to know I was worried."

"No, I won't tell him. But will you see a doctor? I know you have to be careful with laudanum and things like that ...*'

"Grace says people have it for all sorts of things. It stops toothache. Though I haven't that ... but it makes you sleep. It really does."

"Do see a doctor, Lizzie, and make sure it is all right. He might give you something else to take for sleeplessness."

"Yes," she said.

"Look, Lizzie, you and I are going to see each other ... often. We have so much to talk about, and I shall bring Rebecca to see you. Morwenna will bring Pedrek."

"Promise," she said.

"I promise, and you will see a doctor. Now I think we ought to go down."

When we returned to the drawing room the men were already there.

We talked for a while in little groups. I saw Justin in earnest conversation with Grace. Ben came over to me. He sat close to me and asked if I had enjoyed the evening.

"Very interesting," I replied.

"And you approve of my house?"

"I think it is very suitable for your purposes."

"I take it that means approval. It is wonderful for me to see you here. You won't try to avoid me, will you?"

"I don't know. It depends on what happens."

"If I can see you sometimes life will be a great deal more tolerable to me.

"I thought it was highly tolerable. Here you are the epitome of success."

"It's rather an empty sort of success."

"Did you think of that when you were weighing up the carats? And now here you are poised to take parliamentary England by storm."

"How dramatic you are! You always were." He moved a little nearer to me. He was looking at me quizzically, I thought.

I said: "Don't be too effusive. People will notice."

"I don't see how I am going to hide my feelings for you."

"Then in the circumstances it would be better if we did not meet."

"Perhaps not in public. But somewhere ... alone."

"I have no intention of indulging in a clandestine adventure."

"We will meet somewhere. Let's go up the river ... somewhere where we can talk."

I ignored that. I said: "I have been talking to Lizzie. She is not very happy," I added.

He was silent.

I said: "Is it fair to take her gold mine and with the proceeds thrust her into a life she hates?"

"We share the mine," he said.

"I thought a married woman's property became her husband's. What a pernicious law!"

"I would not dream of taking from Lizzie what is hers," he said. "I try very hard to give her what she wants."

"I think what she wants is a quiet life in the country ... something rather like that which she enjoyed before her marriage."

"She will grow to like this. She was so pleased when she heard you were coming."

Grace had come over and taken the seat on the other side of Ben.

"It has been a most successful evening," she said. "I do congratulate you, Ben."

"It's not over yet," he reminded her.

"I thought it went very well indeed. I noticed Lord Lazenby was most amused by the cartoons of H.M."

"He would be. He is very anti-monarchy. I can't think why, with his background, he should be, except that he has always been perverse."

"It was great fun. Oh, look at poor Lizzie. She's all alone. Do come with me, Angelet. I must look after her."

"Yes," I said and we rose. Ben gave me a regretful look which I ignored; and we went and talked to Lizzie.

She was grateful and we stayed with her for the rest of the evening.

When I returned home I felt elated but melancholy. I was completely fascinated by Ben. I should have so much enjoyed helping him in his political battles. They said Mary Anne Disraeli was a wonderful wife to her husband. She herself had stated that he had married her for her money but if he had to do it again he would marry her for love. Perhaps it would be like that with Lizzie. Mrs. Disraeli always waited up for her husband to come home from the House and however late, she would have a cold supper waiting for him. "My dear," he was reputed to have said, "you are more like a mistress than a wife." Charming in its cynicism. But Lizzie was no Mary Anne Disraeli.

I felt very sad about the situation I had witnessed that night; and it was not only because I had had it brought home to me all that I had missed.

Poor Lizzie, she would never change. When I looked into her clear blue eyes I could see her struggling with herself. Grace had been good to her but Grace could not be beside her all the time ... as had been seen tonight.

I wondered what would happen. There was no doubt that Ben would succeed and when he was high up the greasy pole—another Disraeli allusion—how could she help him stay up there? How would an eminent politician feel when his wife would be more at home on the Australian goldfields than in her husband's luxurious home?