The Miracle at St. Bruno's

She and I sat there and talked of babies; she recalled some of the mannerisms I had shown in my infancy but her talk was chiefly of Paul and Peter. She was knotting a shawl for my baby as she talked and her fingers moved busily. It occurred to me that she was a great deal more content than she used to be in the old days and I marveled at this. It seemed strange that anyone could find Simon Caseman a more satisfactory husband than my father, but that was what she appeared to have done.

She was telling me that she had been to see the midwife who assured her that everything concerning me appeared to be going well and a normal birth was expected. She had arranged that as soon as my first pains started she was to be sent for.

I felt a sudden rush of affection for her.

"I never really knew how much you cared for me," I said.

She turned quite pink and said: "Nonsense! Were you not my own child?”

Then I fell to musing that what had been the great tragedy of my youth had to her in a way been an escape, and how strange life was when nothing seemed to be wholly bad, nothing wholly good.

A few days later my pains did start, but by that time, due to my mother's care, the midwife was already installed at the Abbey.

My labor was not prolonged and for me the joy of knowing that my baby would soon be in my arms exceeded any discomfort. It was necessarily an agonizing experience but I had so longed for my baby that I could endure it as I suppose martyrs do torture and death.

At last it was over and when I heard the cry of my child my heart leaped with joy.

I saw my mother-for once authoritative-and the midwife and Bruno.

"My baby... ," I began.

My mother was beaming. "A beautiful healthy baby.”

I held out my arms.

"Later, Damask. In a very short time you shall see your lovely little girl.”

A girl! I felt the tears in my eyes. I believed then that I had wanted a girl.

I noticed Bruno then. He had not spoken. He would want to see his daughter.

But there was the child; they laid her in my arms and I thought: "This is the happiest moment of my life.”

I had known that Bruno had been convinced that the child would be a boy but I had not thought he could be so bitterly disappointed.

He scarcely looked at the child. As for myself, I could not bear her out of my sight.

During those first nights I would sometimes awake from a hazy dream in which she was no longer with me. I would leap up calling for the nurse. "My baby. Where is my baby?”

I would have to be assured that she was sleeping peacefully in her cot.

The christening ceremony was simple-not the solemn occasion which would have been accorded to a boy. Bruno seemed scarcely interested. He was still nursing his disappointment in the child's sex. I thought: I will make up for his indifference, my darling child. I shall love you so much that you will miss nothing.

She was named Catherine-a version of Kate's name and that of the two Queens. I called her my little Cat. She was an ugly baby, said the midwife, and whispered the consolation that it was always those who were born ugly who became the real beau- tics I was sure she was right for my little Cat grew prettier every day.

THE PASSING OF AN AGE

ALL THROUGH that year I was so absorbed with my child that I gave little thought to what was going on in the Abbey. There were great changes of course and this was Bruno's first harvest. Activity was everywhere. From the old barns came the sound of the threshing. Some of the animals had to be slaughtered that November and salted to provide food for the winter. I was but vaguely aware of all this because my entire thoughts were concentrated on my baby. If she sneezed I would send for my mother and she would come with many possets and lotions; and she would reassure me with her laughter, telling me that she had been the same when I was a baby.

"All these anxieties come with the first," she told me. "Wait until you have your second. You will not be half as fearful.”

My baby flourished. She was the joy of my life. I marveled at her tiny hands and feet; her eyes were blue and wondering; when she first smiled at me my heart filled with an overflowing love and I cared for nothing that had gone before since it had brought me my child.

The world outside began to intrude on the little paradise I shared with my baby.

There was a letter from Kate.

"I am coming to see you. I must have a glimpse of my... what is she? Cousin of some sort, I suppose.”

I smiled. How typical of Kate to think of the child's connection with her!

"According to you she is the most wonderful child who ever existed but a mother's testimonial is rarely accurate. So I must come and see this model of perfection for myself. Remus is going to Scotland on the King's business.

So while he is away, why should I not visit St. Bruno's Abbey?”