The Laptev Virus

“That reminds me,” said Drew, reaching for a newspaper that was lying folded open on the table. “I wanted to read you all this article from today’s Chronicle. Its title is ‘Houston, We Have a Problem.’ Listen to this:

Scientists at the University of Texas Medical School are rushing to investigate the slew of deaths caused by a hitherto unknown pathogen, the alleged LAPTEV HFV, discovered by accident when Riesigoil workers were taking routine ice core samples. ‘It was a very regrettable loss of life,’ said Riesigoil CEO, Stan Sundback, who is no stranger to misfortune. A former executive at BP, Sundback was one of the senior managers overseeing the Deepwater Horizon venture in the Gulf of Mexico when the explosion took place in March, 2010, killing 11 workers and injuring 16 others.

‘We were very fortunate to secure the help of the UT researchers,’ said Sundback. He was referring to the investigative group under the direction of the Head of Infectious Disease Investigation Department, Dr. Rhonda Bentley, former director of the Center for Disease Control. ‘I’ve got an excellent team focused like a high power laser on this problem,’ said Bentley in a phone interview.

Meanwhile, citizens in Houston are taking precautions. ‘I’m staying indoors and cranking up the AC,’ said Kenneth McClintock, owner of a local brewery. ‘It’s July in Houston anyways, so I’m telling all of my customers to come on in and have a cool drink. That a-ways they can escape from the heat and the mosquitoes. We all know those nasty bugs can carry all kinds of viruses like West Nile virus and maybe even Ebola. Who knows if Laptev VHF can be transmitted that way too? It certainly might could, says I, and I, for one, am not gonna take any chances.’

Donald Carson, Head of the Mosquito Control Division of the Harris County Public Health and Environmental Services, seemed to agree with McClintock. ‘In light of a possible virus epidemic, Harris County legislators have issued an emergency decree to increase surveillance of mosquito populations and analyze samples, especially near schools and hospitals. We are also considering what steps should be taken to control mosquito populations which could be implicated in the spread of Laptev HFV. It’s not too early to take precautions.’

Sarah did not know whether to laugh or cry when Drew finished reading. She was a bit annoyed that she and her team had not been mentioned by name, but then again, the message in the article had been so flawed that it was probably a good thing not to have her name in there.

“Did he really say ‘Laptev VHF’? Seriously? Is he thinking it’s some sort of old video or do you think it was a typo?” asked Emile.

“He also said ‘that a-ways’ and ‘might could’ so I bet it wasn’t a mistake,” said Shane, chuckling.