The Cloud Atlas

Maybe you'd robbed a bank. Maybe you'd killed a man-maybe by accident or on purpose, maybe you couldn't say. Maybe you'd caught a man sleeping with your wife. Maybe a man had caught you with his. Maybe you were the wife. Maybe you were nothing more than a middle-grade con man, running out of luck and time, and so you fled to where the North American continent finally ran out of room. Maybe you just wanted an adventure. France has its Foreign Legion; we had, and to some extent, still have, Alaska -places you go to take leave of one life and start another.

Which, of course, is precisely what I was doing. But I was a kid then, eighteen and only getting dumber, and I didn't realize any of this at first. The longer I spent in Alaska, though, the more I realized-the more I read into eyes cast down, into conversations trailing off. No one had a past. And so while some initially feared the attention and excitement war would bring to Alaska, most grew to enjoy it. There was new anonymity amidst a growing crowd of strangers-and new chances to establish yourself, to craft a new history. War reset the clock for all of us.

In the Alaskan military community, the secrets ran even thicker. So many men were involved in so-called top secret missions that those who weren't, pretended. Ask a guy at a bar what he did, and he'd more than likely just roll his eyes and shrug. The modest would say something dismissive like “You know how it is;” the vain would look around and then whisper urgently, “It's top secret.”

A few hours after my encounter with Lily the palm reader, someone was telling me just that-“It's top secret”-over a beer. We were in an unofficial Army Air Corps club just off base, which officers and enlisted shared, after a fashion-the officers had one side of the room, the enlisted the other. It wasn't a friendly place; everybody stared at their drinks, until they no longer could stare at much of anything.

I'd retreated to the club not long before. Shortly after arriving back on base from downtown, I'd bumped into a sergeant who recognized me from the daily visits I made to Building 100. My officer was back, he said. My official duties were about to begin; if I was smart, I'd grab a last drink while I could. Who knows where I'd find myself tomorrow. But when I'd asked the sergeant where I could find my CO., he shook his head and said, he'll find you.

“ Top secret,” the man to my right said again.

I'd wandered in looking for a normal conversation, but was having no luck. My top secret companion at the bar had hands that were rough and callused and creased with dirt. I figured he was probably busy building base housing, and the only secret was when or if they would finish.

“What about you?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I-well, I work with ordnance. Bombs.”

“Goddamn right,” the man said, and pointed at my sleeve. “ Secret bombs?”

I shook my head.

“They're not secret?” he said.

“I don't know,” I said, looking around. Try as I might, I couldn't focus; all I could see was Lily's dollar, that magic 11, “careful and correct” (jarringly accompanied by a memory of Sergeant Redes), and then Lily, the loose shirt, the bare legs.

“Then that's a secret, eh?” the man said, and rocked back satisfied.

“What is?” I asked absently.

The man pressed on: “Who's your C.O.?”

I shut my eyes to erase Lily and opened them on my drinking partner. After a moment spent recalling his question, I answered: “Some captain.” I knew his name well enough, and would be meeting him soon, but I didn't feel like saying any more than I had to.

“ ‘Some captain’-right,” the man said. “Let's have it.”

“Top secret,” I said, and looked at the clock behind the bar. It was 9 P.M., but outside, it looked like 9 A.M. Some liked the way the sun shone late into the evenings; I came to feel, and still feel, it made one feel like a drunk. It felt odd to have a drink in my hand when the world outside looked like it hadn't reached noon yet.

My friend wasn't bothered by the time or the light. Perhaps he had solved this problem as I later learned some men did-they simply drank around the clock. That way, time and sobriety became irrelevant. “Top secret- right” he said, frowning into his drink. Maybe the time didn't bother him, but I did. “You're just fooling with me,” he said.

I stood up and put some money on the bar. “It's Gurley,” I said. “Captain-Something-Gurley. I'm not sure of his first name.” But it wasn't enough, or it wasn't what he wanted to hear-he grabbed up my hand and held tight. What startled me most was not the abruptness of the act, but the gruff tenderness of it.

“Best to keep that a secret, then,” he said finally. He finished his drink and stood up without a wobble.

“Why?” I asked, looking at him intently for the first time all night. A gray hair or two poked out above the collar of his T-shirt.