The changeling

I gripped my hands together because they were shaking slightly.

“You imagined it, Celeste,” I said without conviction.

“I did not. I did not. I was not thinking of her. My thoughts were far away and then ... I saw the movement under the trees ... I saw the figure in the blue coat. She was sitting on the seat ... and I know who it was ... I have felt her in the house many times. There are those rooms in which she lived ... that locked room ... and now she has come to the garden to join the other ghosts.”

“This is all fancy, Celeste.”

“I do not think so.”

“It is all in your mind.”

She stared at me. “In my mind ...” she stammered.

“Yes, you are thinking of her and you fancy you see her.”

“I saw her,” she said firmly.

“Celeste, it has to stop, you know. Perhaps you ought to leave here for a while.”

“I cannot go.”

“Why not? You could come to Cornwall with me. Come for Christmas. My grandparents would love it. We’ll take the children.”

“Benedict ... he could not go.”

“Then we could go without Benedict.”

“I could not, Rebecca.”

“It might be good.”

“No. He needs me ... here. I have to be at the dinner parties. It is the duty of the Member’s wife.”

“There is too much emphasis on duties and not enough on ... on ...” She waited and I added lamely: “On ... er .. home life. You should go away. Then perhaps he would miss you and realize how much you do for him.”

She was silent. Then suddenly she turned to me and I knew by the heaving of her shoulders that she was weeping.

“What am I to do?” she asked. “He does not love me.”

“He must do. He married you.”

“He married me because he wanted a wife. All Members of Parliament should have wives. If they want big office they need a wife ... the right wife. But, alas, Rebecca, I am not the right one for him. Your mother was.”

“You must forget that. You are good. You are wonderful at parties. You always look so elegant. They all admire you.”

“And when he look at me ... he think of another.”

I was silent.

“Was she very beautiful?” she asked.

“I don’t know. She was my mother. I never thought whether she was beautiful or not.

To me she was perfect because she was my mother.”

“And to him ... she was perfect and there could never be another to take her place. Do you believe that when people are so deeply needed they can be lured from the tomb and come back to those who cannot live without them?”

“No,” I said.

“Your mother ... she must have been a wonderful person.”

“She was to me.”

“And to him.”

“Yes, to him. But they both married someone else in the first place.”

“I know he married the girl in Australia. She brought him the goldmine.”

“My mother married my father first. He was very handsome and charming ... like Hercules or Apollo ... only better because he was so good. He gave his life for his friend.”

“I know. I have heard.”

“And my mother loved him ... dearly,” I said fiercely. “But it is all over, Celeste.

That is in the past. It’s now that matters.”

”He doesn’t care for me, Rebecca.”

“He must. He married you.”

“Did he care for the first one, I wonder?”

“This is different.”

“How is it different?”

“I am sure of it.”

“I love him so much. When I first saw him I thought he was the most wonderful man I had ever seen. When he asked me to marry him I could not believe it. I think I am dreaming. But we marry ... and now he does not want me. All he wants is her. He dream of her. I have heard him say her name in his sleep.. He has drawn her back from the grave because he cannot live without her. She is here. She is in this house. And now she is tired of being in that locked room. She has come out to join those other ghosts in the garden.”

“Oh, Celeste. You must not think like that. He needs time ... time to recover.”

“It is years since she died. It was when Belinda was born.”

“She would not wish you to suffer like this. She was the kindest person in the world.

If she came back it would be to help you ... not to harm you.” I wished that I knew how to comfort her. I hated him then. He was responsible for her unhappiness. He was selfish and cruel. He had married her because he needed a wife to enhance his career, just as he had married Lizzie Morley because he needed her money for the same reason. My mother he had truly loved; there was no doubt of that, and God ... or Fate ... was repaying him. He had lost the one he loved and would not try to make a happy life for the woman he had taken up to serve his own ends.

He was a monster, I thought, and I whipped up my hatred and contempt of him.

I said: “It will come all right one day, Celeste.”

She shook her head. “But I pray that he will turn to me,” she said. “I lie here sometimes waiting ... waiting ... You cannot understand, Rebecca.”

“I think I do,” I replied. “And you must rest now. Do you think you could sleep?”

“I am very tired,” she said.

“Shall I get Mrs. Emery to send up a little supper on a tray? I could have mine with you if you liked. Then you could rest. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

“I’ve never fainted before,” she told me. “It’s strange to feel the Earth slipping away.”