The changeling

“Yes, I did know.” I could talk about my mother more easily with Morwenna than I could with my grandmother. Morwenna and I did not mind showing our emotion when we spoke of her whereas with my grandmother we both tried to hide the intensity of our grief. “My mother often talked about it.”

“How awful I was! I was terrified ... not so much of the presentation ... that was over in a few seconds ... just a curtsy and taking care that your train did not trip you up so that you stumbled at Her Majesty’s feet. One can imagine what consternation that would cause but there was very little danger of it. It was the parties and the balls ... and the terrible fear that one was not going to get a partner. I was in agonies. Your mother did not care. But then she didn’t have to ...”

I had heard it all before, but somehow with Morwenna it did not upset me. It was almost as though my mother were there with us in the Cartwright sitting room and that gave me a warm and comfortable feeling of peace.

“Helena is getting a little old now, though she is sprightly lough and Matthew is still high up in politics and a name to reckoned with. She will help, of course, but she doesn’t feel ‘like undertaking the whole thing.”

“What shall I have to do?”

“Well, first of all you’ll have to have some dancing lessons, singing too. Her Majesty is very interested in singing and dancing.”

“I thought she had gone into seclusion.”

“She has been for years ... ever since the Prince died ... but the conventions go on.”

“Yes. Mama often told me about Madame Dupre who was really Miss Dappry and how she used to dragoon you both.”

“And how I was the clumsiest creature she was ever doomed to teach.”

“My mother did not say that. She said that all that was wrong was in your mind.”

“She was very wise.”

We were silent for a little while. Then Morwenna said: “You’ll get through easily. The thing is not to worry. I always felt that Mother and Pa wanted a great marriage for me ... which is, after all, the purpose of the operation ... and that I was going to fail them. Your mother didn’t care because her parents only wanted her to enjoy herself. Mine did too ... but they just had this idea.” I was suddenly appalled. “Of course, that is what my stepfather will expect of me!”

“But your grandparents ...”

“I wasn’t thinking of them. They would want me to be happy as they did my mother, but he ... that will be why he wants it. The stepdaughter of Benedict Lansdon, the Member for Manorleigh, has become engaged to the Duke of... , the Earl of ... , the Viscount ...’. I don’t think a simple Sir would be good enough for him.”

“You mustn’t think like that. Just go in and see what happens. If you meet someone and he happens to be a duke or an earl or a viscount ... well, as long as you’re in love with him ... his title is of no account.

I burst out laughing. “It will be to him.”

”This is your future happiness. That’s what is important.”

“You don’t know him, Morwenna.”

“I think I do.” She was silent for a moment, then she said: “He loved your mother dearly ... and she him. She was never so close to any other man.”

“She loved my father,” I insisted. “He was a wonderful man.” She nodded. “Justin and I have every reason to be grateful to him. It is something we shall never forget. But for him ... well, you know he gave his life to save Justin’s.”

“He was a good man ... a heroic man... a father to be proud of.” She nodded. “But one does not always love people for their heroic qualities. You see, something happened between your mother and Benedict ... years before. They met in Cornwall and the spark struck then. I felt theirs was the perfect marriage. And to think it ended in what should have been an additional joy for them.”

And there we were, weeping quietly, but giving comfort to each other. Morwenna stretched for my hand and said: “We have to go on living, Rebecca. He is your stepfather. He wants to care for you.”

“He doesn’t. He wants a family because it is good for his image with the voters.”

“No ... no. He wants you here. You are her daughter and that would endear you to him.”

“I am another man’s daughter. Perhaps he does not like that.”

“No ... no. You must try to understand him ... try to be fond of him.”

“How can you make yourself fond of people?”

“By not building up resentment against them ... by not looking for their faults but by trying to see the good in them.”

I shook my head. “Where?” I asked.

“He wants to love you and Belinda. Help him.”

“I wonder what he would say if he thought we were helping him. He would laugh. He doesn’t need help. He thinks himself omnipotent.”

“He is not a happy man.”

I looked at her steadily. “You mean his marriage ...”

“Celeste is a nice girl. I think she loves him very much.”

“He married her because he believed she would be suitable to entertain his guests.”