Stranger in a Strange Land

“Sir, Major C. D. Bloch, Special Service Squadron Cheerio, Maryland Enclave Barracks.”

“Now tell me what you are doing where you are, and why.”

“Sir, that’s rather complicated. I—”

“Then unravel it for me. Speak up, Major.”

“Yes, sir. I came here pursuant to orders. You see—”

“I don’t see.”

“Well, sir, about an hour and a half ago a flying squad was sent here to make several arrests. They didn’t report in when they should have and when we couldn’t raise them by radio, I was sent with the reserve squad to find them and render assistance as needed.”

“Whose orders?”

“Uh, the Commandant’s, sir.”

“And did you find them?”

“No, sir. Not a trace of them.”

Douglas looked at Harshaw. “Counsellor, did you see anything of another squad, earlier?”

“It’s no part of my duties to keep track of your servants, Mr. Secretary. Perhaps they got the wrong address. Or simply got lost.”

“That is hardly an answer to my question.”

“You are correct, sir. I am not being interrogated. Nor will I be, other than by due process. I am acting for my client; I am not nursemaid to these uniformed, uh, persons. But I suggest, from what I have seen of them, that they might not be able to find a pig in a bath tub.”

“Mmm… possibly. Major, round up your men and return. I’ll confirm that via channels.”

“Yes, sir!” The major saluted.

“Just a moment!” Harshaw said sharply. “These men broke into my house. I demand to see their warrant.”

“Oh. Major, show him your search warrant.”

Major Bloch turned brick red. “Sir, the officer ahead of me had the warrants. Captain Heinrich. The one who’s missing.”

Douglas stared at him. “Young man… do you mean to stand there and tell me that you broke into a citizen’s home without a warrant?”

“But—Sir, you don’t understand! There was a warrant—there are warrants. I saw them. But, of course, Captain Heinrich took them with him. Sir.”

Douglas just looked at him. “Get on back. Place yourself under arrest when you get there. I’ll see you later.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Hold it,” Harshaw demanded. “Under the circumstances I shan’t let him leave. I exercise my right to make a citizen’s arrest. I shall take him down and charge him in this township and have him placed in our local lockup. ‘Armed breaking and entering.’”

Douglas blinked thoughtfully. “Is this necessary, sir?”

“I think it is. These fellows seem to be awfully hard to find when you want them—so I don’t want to let this one leave our local jurisdiction. Why, aside from the serious criminal charges, I haven’t even had opportunity to assess the damage to my property.”

“You have my assurance, sir, that you will be fully compensated.”

“Thank you, sir. But what is to prevent another uniformed joker from coming along twenty minutes from now, perhaps this time with a warrant? Why, he wouldn’t even need to break down the door! My castle stands violated, open to any intruder. Mr. Secretary, only the few precious moments of delay afforded by my once-stout door kept this scoundrel from dragging me away before I could reach you by telephone… and you heard him say that there was still another like him at large—with, so he says, warrants.”

“Doctor, I assure you that I know nothing of any such warrant.”

“Warrants, sir. He said ‘warrants for several arrests.’ Though perhaps a better term would be ‘lettres de cachet.’”

“That’s a serious imputation.”

“This is a serious matter. You see what has already been done to me.”

“Doctor, I know nothing of these warrants, if they exist. But I give you my personal assurance that I will look into it at once, find out why they were issued, and act as the merits of the matter may appear. Can I say more?”

“You can say a great deal more, sir. I can reconstruct exactly why those warrants were issued. Some one in your service, in an excess of zeal, caused a pliant judge to issue them… for the purpose of seizing the persons of myself and my guests in order to question us, safely out of your sight. Out of anyone’s sight, sir! We will discuss all issues with you but we will not be questioned by such as this creature—” Jubal hooked a thumb at the S.S. major “—in some windowless back room! Sir, I hope for, and expect, justice at your hands… but if those warrants are not canceled at once, if I am not assured by you personally beyond any possibility of quibble that the Man from Mars, Nurse Boardman, and myself will be left undisturbed in our persons, free to come and go, then—” Jubal stopped and shrugged helplessly. “—I must seek a champion elsewhere. There are, as you know, persons and powers outside the administration who hold deep interest in the affairs of the Man from Mars.”

“You threaten me.”

“No, sir. I plead with you. I have come to you first. We wish to negotiate. But we cannot speak easily while we are being hounded. I beg of you, sir—call off your dogs!”

Douglas glanced down, looked up again. “Those warrants, if any, will not be served. As soon as I can track them down they will be canceled.”

“Thank you, sir.”