'Censorious. Well, perhaps you are right. But there is a big difference. I hope you discover what it is, one day. Because you will never truly love someone until you do.'
She fell silent again, a look of terrible sadness on her face. 'Do you believe me when I say I want you to find this child? Or do you think there is some other motive behind it?'
'I really don't know any more.'
'I do want it. When John died, it was a terrible shock. I suppose I still am in shock. I have lost him for ever. But when I read the will, do you know what my reaction was? Anger? Shame? Disillusionment?'
'Maybe. All of them?'
'None of them. I was happy. There was a piece of him still alive, somewhere. I dreamed of finding this child – I imagined a ten-year-old boy sometimes, sometimes a young woman about the same age as I was when I met John. I hoped there were many children, even. Getting to know them, bringing them to live with me. Having a family in this world. Because I have nothing now. Nothing of importance, just wealth beyond the dreams of avarice. It is all John's fault, you see.'
I looked puzzled.
'He taught me the pleasures of love and companionship, of trusting people and knowing them. Before that, when I was young, it was all just a game. Who you knew, how you made your way in the world. There was no time or space for real warmth. John gave me a world of affection, and I fell in love with that as much as I fell in love with him. Do you know the pleasure of doing nothing with someone, of simply sitting in the same room with them? Or of going for a walk where neither talks? He taught me that and now it is all gone. And the world is my reality again. I am frightened and alone, Matthew, more than a man like you can even imagine.'
'And you never had children?'
She shook her head gently. 'I fell pregnant, a year or so after we married. I was so happy, I couldn't believe it. I used to just sit and clutch myself, and cry with the joy of it. I thought my life would be complete.'
'What happened?.'
'It was born and they took it away from me.' She shook her head. 'The midwife wrapped it up, put it by the fire to keep it warm, and sat around to keep it company until it died. They didn't let me see it again. It's what they do, did you know that?'
I said nothing.
'The doctors told me that I couldn't have any more. That another pregnancy might kill me. So,' she said brightly, her eyes shining, 'that was my chance, you see. It took years to recover fully. John stayed with me every moment, every second, brought me back to myself. As close as I could get, anyway. I lost my dreams then and they never came back.'
'I will find this child for you,' I said. 'If it lives.'
'Do you doubt it?'
'Many children die young,' I said.
There was a very long pause. She sat silently, thoughtfully, and I realised that I was back – back in her power again, if you want to put it like that.
'Tell me,' I said after a while, 'what do you know about the state of your husband's companies at present?'
She was not interested. 'That his shareholdings are in the hands of the executor and will remain so until this is settled.'
'Precisely.' I took the buff folder out of the bag I had begun to carry around with me. 'Look at this.'
She did as instructed, but quickly, just long enough to register incomprehension.
'This indicates that a large amount of money has been removed from them. It also perhaps explains why the announcement of his death was delayed.'
'How so?'
'Have you seen the list of prominent shareholders? They'd lose a fortune if shares in Rialto declined. Half the politicians in the land have bought shares.'
She looked scornful. 'Bought?' She said with a snort. 'You don't think they
'How else . . .' Then I realised what she was saying.
'I know little of the details of John's business, but I know how the world works. These were gifts. Inducements. Bribes, if you want to be honest about it. They wanted rewards for giving him contracts; he obliged because he could remind them of his generosity, if necessary. And now, of course, I can do the same.'
Her eyes, very briefly, flashed with excitement; then they dulled again. 'I do not intend to,' she said. 'But you are right; it is a reason for Mr Cort to become so interested.'
'And the money?'
'That I do not know.'
'Do you realise the implications of this folder?'
'Perhaps. But maybe you should tell me.'
'It means that your inheritance will be very much less than you imagine. Indeed, if news of it comes out, the companies could collapse and you would be left with nothing at all.'
'I see.' She seemed to be taking it all very calmly. 'Is your knowledge of the law as good as your knowledge of finance?'
'They are both equally feeble, as you know. In this case, I am going on what your husband's solicitor told me.'
'So what should I do?'
'I don't think there is anything you can do.'