Saraband for Two Sisters

So the child was christened and I called him by the endearing diminutive of Dickon. Grace talked to me seriously: “Our Dickon will live. He’s gaining weight ... he’s getting interested in life. But my lady-it’s been hard times for her. I don’t know if we can pull her through. There’s so much we lack. The house don’t have what it should. I knew it was going to be difficult, but if we could have got it over before them Roundheads came-“ I said firmly, ‘We’re going to get her well again. She’ll live, Grace.” Grace looked at me as Angelet herself had so many times, suggesting that I was pitting my strength against that of God.

But it did seem as though Angelet were getting stronger. She was talking more.

She said, “I like to have you here, Bersaba.”

“Of course,” I answered. “My place is here.”

“It all went wrong didn’t it? You should have been the one who came to London. You should have met him. That would have made him happy, wouldn’t it?” I said, “He is happy.”

“You used to pride yourself on telling the truth. You always used to say, What’s the good of pretending?’ You must remember that now, Bersaba. I’m glad it wasn’t you who was trying to kill me. I thought it was.”

“You couldn’t have thought that.”

“Yes, I did. Because I knew someone was. I ought to have remembered that first time. But I thought that was due to the shock. They convinced me that it was. But I remember now Mrs. Cherry gave me some posset. There must have been something in that to bring on my miscarriage. She knew a great deal about herbs. She loved that boy. She wanted everything for him. She was afraid if I had a healthy child it would be his father’s heir and she was going to fight with everything she had for that boy.»

“Don’t think about it now. It’s past and done with. You have your baby. He’s doing well, Angel. He’s going to be a bonny boy. Grace says so, and Grace knows.»

“I want to think about it. I want there to be complete understanding between us. I can see it all so clearly. Poor Magdalen! What a terrible experience for her, and it happened in the chapel, and for nine months she kept that secret from him.»

“She should have told him.”

“She couldn’t, Bersaba. I understand. She was afraid of him, afraid it would turn him from her. I understand. I might have been the same. You are strong and so sure of yourself. You would have known what to do. But I understand. And then she died having that... creature ... and he was Mrs. Cherry’s grandson and she wanted everything for him. We mustn’t be hard on Mrs. Cherry. It was all for love, Bersaba. We have to remember that.”

“She was endangering your life for that-“

“For her grandson, and I don’t think she wanted to kill me. She just wanted my child not to be born. Try to understand her, Bersaba. Let’s try to understand everything.»

“Angel,” I said, “do you remember we used to say the qualities good and bad-were divided among us? You took all the good ones and left the bad to me.»

“That’s not true. You’re so much more worthwhile than I am. Richard thought so ...so did Luke ... so will the children. Let’s be truthful. I want you to marry Richard ... if he comes out of this.”

“Richard’s wife is going to be well and when he comes back she is going to show him their beautiful child, young Dickon, and he will then be different. Don’t forget this grim secret has been hanging over him all these years. Secrets like that warp people’s natures.”

“Will he ever come back?”

“This foolish war is not going to last forever.”

“And if the Roundheads win?”

“There’ll be some way out of it”

“If he comes back-“

“When he comes back,” I said firmly, “you will be here waiting for him.”

“In his house, which is little more than a ruin.”

“You’ll stay here somehow. It can’t be long now and Richard will know what to do.”

“And you, Bersaba?”

“I have made up my mind. I am going home. I shall take the children with me-Arabella and Lucas-and Phoebe will bring her Thomas. We shall ride down to Cornwall to our mother. Do you doubt she will be glad to see us?”

“She will rejoice to see you, Bersaba.”

“And I shall tell her that you are waiting for your husband. It will relieve her mind.”

“And when he comes back?”

“I shall be far away. As soon as you are strong I am going. You will have Grace to look after you and the servants here. You will manage until he returns. The soldiers will not come back. They have paid their call and left their mark on this beautiful house so that it is beautiful no longer and that should please them. Now rest, Angelet. I’m going to bring you some milk.”

She smiled wryly. “You always wanted to bring me milk.»

“I still do. We have two perfectly good cows which our Roundhead friends were considerate enough to leave us.”

I leaned over the bed and kissed her.

“You are going to get well,” I said, “and that makes me happy.”

“Is that a command?” she asked.

“Of course.”

Two days later her condition deteriorated and Grace talked darkly of fever.

I was with her all the time. She could not rest unless she had her hand in mine.