Polynya

“Talk about Viagra for a goblin – I love it when Thulean gals get aggressive!” The pink dollop of hair on his head ruffles. “Not the hair, Liz! Keep your goddamn ghost limbs to yourself!”

“There’s more.” Ryuk steadies his gaze on FeeTwix. “My hallucinations have also returned.”

(0)__(0)

Ryuk takes a moment to tell them about the Attla spider in his room, how his hand passed through it and how the hallucination didn’t disappear this time, as the Thulean warrior did when he had his first hallucination.

FeeTwix’s eyes go wide.

“What is it?”

“How much does Tamana know about NPCs trying to take people’s iNet feeds in the real world? What did you tell her?”

“She knew it was happening through resetters,” Ryuk says. “That’s it.”

“Listen carefully to what I’m about to ask you next: did she know about the experiments in the 2050s? Remember those? The one you told us about in which an NPC actually took a humandroid’s body. Did you tell her this?”

Ryuk shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

“Either you did or you didn’t, Marbles, answer the man!”

“Stop yelling, Hiccup, and no, I didn’t tell her. I know I didn’t. We were so wrapped up in other things that it never came up. Tamana doesn’t know, unless you guys said something.”

He glances from Zaena to Hiccup to FeeTwix. All three shake their heads.

“Good, then she doesn’t know about that. Thankfully.”

Hiccup finds another dragon wing on the bed, jams it in his mouth, and strips it clean. As he chews he says, “So let me get this straight: there was a crazy fickin’ serpent chippie in a portal at the Shinigami’s place, Tamana betrayed us, and after she skewered your ass, you had another digital hallucination in your world. Sound about right?”

Ryuk nods.

The goblin licks his lips and waves goodbye to the rest of the guild. “This, my friends, is why I’m announcing my retirement from the Mitherfickers as of tonight – shit is about to get crazy.”

“Really?” Zaena looks at him coldly. “Coward!”

He snorts. “Take it easy, Liz, I’m just fickin’ with you. To be honest, kiddos, I’m ready to level up and get the fick to Polynya. We really need to pull some strings with the Knights of Non Compos Mentis, in my humblest of humble opinions. And by we, I mean you, Marbles. You need to get us some face time with Sophia.”

“My old guild.”

“That’s right, kid, you need to get us in touch with the leader of your old guild. I know you said that you didn’t know how to go about doing this, but that was before you took into consideration the fact that you have one of the most dastardly, crafty, bastardly, sly, and handsome mitherfickers in all of Tritania in your guild. Me. I’m referring to me. If there’s a will, there’s a way, and if there’s a fickin’ goblin, there’s usually more than one way. Plus, Twixy and I have sort of become partners in crime. Ain’t that right, Twixster?”

FeeTwix considers this for a moment. Finally, he grins. “I’d say it’s not wrong.”

“Good, in my book ‘not wrong' is technically right, a phrase which will never hold up in a court of law, but that’s beside the point. So we’ll get to the Knights. No problemo. Doneski. Good.”

Ryuk rubs his hands together. “We need to be at level 15 to travel to Polynya, the next floating continent. Zaena and FeeTwix are already able to travel. I’m currently at level 13, and Hiccup is at level 12. We need to level up.”

“I’ve got this. Jim!” Hiccup barks. “We need a case of Hopkins’ Healing Nostrums. Now!”

Not two seconds later, there’s a knock at the door.

“That was fast … ” Zaena says.

“Too fast. I’ll get it.” FeeTwix’s Glock appears in his hand and he approaches the door cautiously. He presses the safety off as he asks, “Jim?”

“Here with your healing potions,” comes the reply from the other side. “Might I ask you to lower your weapon? Thank you.”

FeeTwix clicks the safety back on and stuffs his shooting iron in the back of his pants. Once he’s good and situated, he opens the door to find Jim standing behind a dolly which holds a case of healing potions.

“The potions you requested?”

“Just add the cost to our room.”

Jim nods. “Certainly, Mr. Fajer.”

“FeeTwix, call me FeeTwix,” he says as he bends over to grab the case.

“Or Twixy!” Hiccup pipes up from his seated position on the bed.

“Right, Mr. FeeTwix or Twixy, I will add the charges to the room. If you need any further assistance, please do not hesitate to ask me.” With that, Jim turns back to his clerk’s station.

“Fick yes!” Hiccup rubs his grimy paws together. He practically knocks Ryuk to the floor as he makes his way over to the case of green, grenade-shaped bottles.

“No, no, no,” says Ryuk as he places his hand on Hiccup’s shoulder, “our health is already full.”

“Marbles, don’t you fickin’ get between me and my healing potion. It’s a goblin’s Oxycontin, got that? What part of prophylaxis do you not understand? The opioid epidemic is a fickin’ crisis and shouldn’t be joked about. Don’t be an insensitive fickhole and quit bogarting the potions! Gimme, gimme, gimme!”

“At least let me set the case down first.”