Polynya

The first thing Ryuk hears after his avatar has taken form is a squeaky mouse fart from Hiccup. The goblin has his golden helm under his arm and a healing potion in his brass hand. An empty, grenade-shaped Hopkins’ Holistic Healing Nostrum is at his feet, and not far from him, FeeTwix is using a primitive AppleSoft iWatch to track the wolf’s movement.

“You ready?” the Swede asks, his eyes two little black coals.

“Let’s do this.”

He glances back to Enway, who now wears a glimmering shawl, and from there to Zaena, who has an indecipherable look on her face. Ryuk wouldn’t describe it as thoroughly pissed, but there’s definitely some edge to it and he’s pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that she wasn’t granted a fair battle with Tamana.

“Finally your ass is back,” Hiccup says. “I was just telling everyone how I was friends with that mirrored dragon, who, coincidentally, is named Mirror. Too bad she flew off. Anyfick, thanks for making us wait.”

“I was only logged out for a moment.”

“Yeah, yeah, well when you were gone, Liz over here made a big stink about not having an honorable battle. Ha! This from the lady that went along with FeeTwix’s automatic gun thingamajiggy at the Shit-agami’s – see what I did there? – guildhall back in Aramis. Fick. Do we really have to track the wolf now? I mean, it is practically the Hour of the fickin’ Llama. Let’s get some rest.”

FeeTwix approaches him and laughs. “You sure are a grumpy goblin sometimes, you know that?”

“Yeah? Well, the minute you stop shilling to your tweeny snowflake followers, I’ll stop grumbling.”

“How many healing potions are you going to drink?” Zaena asks, narrowing her eyes at the goblin’s gut, the bottom of which sticks out of his chainmail armor.

“You know, we got a word for fat shamers in the goblin universe,” he says, turning his back to her.

If there is a word for ‘fat shamers,’ he doesn’t say what it is.

“Everyone is a little pissed off after that last fight,” FeeTwix says as he throws his hands in the air, “I get it, but we can’t forget, there’s a wolf to be captured! And to answer your question, Hiccup, I’m afraid if we wait until morning, the wolf may be able to get the tracking bullet out.”

“How the fick is he supposed to do that? You see an arm and a hand sticking out of his belly? You think he has a fickin’ grip’n’grab reach tool?”

“Dogs are clever!”

“Which way?” Ryuk asks, putting an end to the banter. “Let’s get this over with.”

Without another word, FeeTwix takes off towards one of the terraces. He walks fast, excited to finally be getting back into the action. If he’s experiencing any feelings regarding battling Tomas, he’s hiding it.

Typical, Ryuk think as he watches the Swede in action. He has a role to play.

As they follow him, Ryuk gets in line next to Enway to confirm with her that there is an actual reason they’re going after the wolf. “Just to make sure: you’re certain that the city officials will allow us access to the catacombs if we catch the wolf?” he asks.

“I’ve already told you. Outsiders aren’t usually allowed in, but outsiders don’t normally help us rid ourselves of our little canine problem. So you all will get in.”

“It seems to me, and correct me if I’ve mentioned this before,” Hiccup says after he’s scrambled up one of the terraces, “that someone in this town could have taken out the wolf on their own. Are you telling me you aren’t able to light a wolf that big on fire with your wowsie wow magical powers? Give me a fickin’ break.”

Another healing potion appears in his hand and he pops the top.

“Where do you keep getting those?” Enway asks, a grin spreading on her face.

She really is lighthearted, Ryuk thinks as he listens to Hiccup lay into her.

He mostly ignores the goblin, especially after he gets in a heated discussion in Thulean with Zaena. At least it sounds heated.

The mountain air is cool on his skin as they move from the terrace to a path cut into the rock face. From there, they scale a short slope, which proves challenging for Hiccup. Once they arrive at a winding mountain pass, they follow it until the goblin announces a discovery.

“Hold up, Mitherfickers!” They turn just in time to see Hiccup stick a bloody finger in his mouth. He nods, licks his lips, and drops to his haunches to have another taste. “That’s not like any wolf blood I’ve ever tasted.”

“Ewwww,” Enway starts to comment.

“Yeah, Elfy? Well fick you too. Here I am trying to be useful and you have to go and turn up the racism.”

“She wasn’t being racist,” Ryuk says. “Tasting dog’s blood isn’t really, um, something people do.”

“Something people do. You hear yourself?” Hiccup asks as they continue along the dark path. “Well, no way I’m going to educate you fickers, so I might as well tell you about my other cousin, Spew George.”

“I thought it was Spew Gorge.”