Polynya

A machete-wielding hairball with a distended belly turns the corner, his eyes angry and bloodshot. He raises his weapon into their air, stomps his foot and bellows, “STOP THAT THIEF!”

Before she can get any further, the elf lifts into the air like a marionette. Ryuk looks to Zaena, and she nods.

“I have her,” Zaena says as the female thief struggles to free herself.

High Elf Level 15

HP: 411/435

MANA: 251/268                

ATK: 63        

MATK: 78

DEF: 55

MDF: 106

LUCK: 19

 

A high elf? Ryuk slowly brings his marble gun out and trains it on her. FeeTwix has done the same with his SPAS-12 shotgun.

A Player Character too, Ryuk thinks, referring to the icon above her head.

The elven female’s hands begin to charge with blistering white energy.

With a pumping action, FeeTwix loads a round into his shotgun. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

A crowd has begun to form, but it isn’t as large as one would expect. This area is accustomed to street brawls, thinks Ryuk as he takes a few steps back, just to give himself some range. Proximity is important, and he quickly pops the molten black mag out of his Marble Gun and goes for his mag of sword marbles instead.

The high elf and Zaena share similar dancer bodies with thin torsos, larger hips and muscled calves. Where they differ is skin tone. Zaena’s green color is a far cry from the elf’s pallid skin tone. Her orange hair and slitted orange eyes are at odds too with the elf’s blonde locks pulled into a single large braid and the elf’s soft blue eyes.

“You’ll be coming with me, missy, and I can’t wait for my boys to have their way with you.” The hairy, machete-wielding man produces a pair of handcuffs and licks his lips. “But daddy gets to go first.”

As if on cue, Machete Man’s three sons slide to a halt behind him. The family shares the ugly gene, and it appears to get worse as they age.

The oldest brother has a braided mullet and a beard peppered with bits of dried food. The middlest brother, sporting a Captain Kangaroo hairdo, is missing an eyebrow due to a scar that runs from his forehead to his pockmarked cheeks. The youngest has yet to grow facial hair, but what he lacks in beard he makes up in missing teeth, pus-filled zits, and a harelip. All three of them have primitive swords, wooden shields, and old leather armor.

Ryuk has been around Zaena long enough now to know when her konoshlo are retracting into her back. There’s a subtle change in the way she holds her shoulders, akin to the way a person with two arms looks when they lower their arms to their sides.

She’s letting her go … Ryuk slowly aims his weapon from the female elf to the machete-wielding father and his butt fugly sons.

“Who the fick tossed me into the souvenir stand?” Hiccup pushes his way past the family of miscreants and growls when he sees the elf. “Some thief you are!” he tells the elven female, oblivious to the man directly behind him holding a machete. “Next time you run through a crowd, remember not to plow through them, rather roll off them.”

“Move it, goblin!” Machete Man growls.

Hiccup’s tomahawk appears in his mechanical hand. “Is it you who said that to me,” he says, pointing the little tomahawk at Machete Man, “or was it one of your fickin’ inbred kids? Look, boys, you see now what happens when you fick your sister after your mom had you by fickin’ her brother? Bad idea, huh? When does the chain of inbreeding end? Sad!”

Hiccup’s face morphs from anger to general confusion.

“Where the fick was I? Where’s Twixy?” He turns his back to his opponents and gives FeeTwix a big grin.

Dammit, Hiccup!

“Twixy! You won’t believe what I stole from that souvenir shop!” He produces a miniature gold statue of Empress Thun as he makes his way to the side of the Mitherfickers. “And look at the gazongas they put on this one!”

FeeTwix’s shotgun disappears and he steps forward with his shaman staff. “Not now, Hiccup.”

(0)__(0)

“I cannot allow you to take the elf,” FeeTwix says, his eyes black as a starless night. “Leave now, before this gets ugly.”

Machete Man Level 5

HP: 150/150   

ATK: 36        

MATK: 18

DEF: 54

MDF: 32

LUCK: 3

 

Piece of cake. Ryuk quickly glances at his sons’ stats to find that they are all equally leveled or lower.

“What are you going to do with that staff, part the waters?” Machete Man asks as his sons cackle behind him. “Ha! The Endless Sea is down there!” He flips the bird at FeeTwix and points it downward.

FeeTwix starts whispering some mantra as he steps forward.

“What the hell?” Machete Man asks as FeeTwix nears him.

“McStarbuck’s Twonicorn Frappuccino, on sale; McStarbuck’s Twonicorn Frappuccino, on sale. #FeeTwixRox at counter; #FeeTwixRox at counter. McStarbuck’s Twonicorn Frappuccino, on sale … ”

Whack!

-52 HP!Critical hit!