On The Wings of Hope : Prose

He cried all that loudly and joyfully. He cried as though warriors do after a long-desired victory.

-          I forgive you! Let it be so!

-          “Let it be so”, - his voice was carried far away to surroundings ...

And just a moment later a wonderful music, a music of joy and triumph filled his ears. It was his own music - that one of his childhood.

A sign of his way.

03.04.2011

You came too late

Yet I don’t want to die, my friend

In clocks of life there is still sand,

There is no way for saturation

For I do thirst for inspiration.

Yes, I know – time cannot be turned back. Yes, I know – mistakes of the past cannot be reversed. Yes, I know – how I was wrong for all my life and became truly right only right now. I love you how I did not love anyone in this world. And I loved much.

People deceived and betrayed me. They destroyed my illusion of own loneliness for short durations, only to let me feel again, how illusionary were my conceptions of it as of illusion. They loved and hated med simultaneously, for their love is so much like hate. And I loved them even for that. When a painful silence falls upon you like a heavy press, you even start to rejoice to a shout from own pain.

I truly loved you, loved you as no other woman in this immensely dim world. I was sort of an entertainment for them – a toy, which they threw away with pleasure the time it bored them, not wishing to understand, that even toy have a living heart. And in this amusing game they, almost like me, tried to escape from comprehension that sometime they too will be left alone with themselves – and along with you. Perhaps, I love you for that too – that you have always been near me imperceptibly, no matter wherever and whoever I was. You, probably, don’t know about it yet, but thereby you also invisibly aided me – helped true me not to lost in this false vanity of life. You have appeared to be the most true and devoted of all the women, known to me. You have become your full antithesis for me, actually.

Sometimes I called for you in a vain hope to be heard. It seemed to me that you have completely forgotten about me and will never shine the temple of my soul with your presence anymore. I have almost started to believe, that even the most devoted ones are capable of betrayal.

Yes … I see, I feel, how passionately do you desire to turn and face all these big and little ones, stepped over the border of their conscience, how deeply you want to shout to them all, that it’s only you, it’s only you, my beloved one, have never betrayed and deceived me, that only you always treated me so gently and carefully, as no other living being is ever capable of. For only you know, what is an inescapable heart pain … and only you have a cure for it.

But even you have come too late.

For I am not the one I used to be already. Something has parted with me – something imperceptibly important and indescribable in words. Belief ? Hope ? Love ? But what can belief do, when the last hope has crashed into ashes, and what to hope for when the heart has become too rigid to love anymore ? In such minutes it’s possible to love only you, both hoping and trusting.

But you have come too late !

I was young and full of strength once, and it seemed to me that I could do almost anything – and now it seems that I have sunk into all this almost completely. I hoped for trust and trusted love once, but love have disappointed me since then, and thus I have ceased to trust them both. I have already done everything I wanted to once, and still need to do something I cannot make ever.

You could be with young me, but you have decided to come too late. Or, perchance, have you willingly waited for me ?

Nevertheless, we are together at last to become one. Two halves of single whole, two parts of broken jar, which has already lost too much moisture of life. No one is able to separate us, the only true lovers on this guilty earth, initially intended for each other. I accept you the way you are – even though you have come too late.

Even though you have come too late, my death.

I accept you again for you are infinitely many-sided. And each death is always followed by a new birth.

Only therefor I accept you – to wash off all pain of the past, and become live once again, for I have been struggling for it for so long already.

Hi, my death. I welcome thee, oh my rebirth !

20.10.2010

Voices

- Come to us to crush your foe! It’s your wish to make them woe! Louses will be smashed by hills, will be standing on their kneels! Where are you?! Return at last! Stop right now and do it fast! - shouted the first Voice.

- Power! Delight! Gain the might! Join the blight! - the second was crying in heart-rendering squeal.