On The Wings of Hope : Prose

Before begging the installation process, blesses Windows media disk and splashes holy water on it, and only after those important procedures inserts it into a drive. When the drive cannot read seriously watered disk and a message popups : “Unable to read from device. Abort ? Retry ? Ignore ?” he overshadows himself in horror, shouting “I banish thee, unholy one !” and starts moving around the computer, singing holy prayers. After two hours of travelling (during which the disk has just enough time to completely dry up) tries to repeat the process once again. After the installation process completes successfully, kneels and performs yet another three-hour praise to the gods that they have heard his modest prayers and have aided him in his struggle against the evil.

4. Paladin

Takes Windows installation disk and lay on hands on it. Waits for several minutes and then inserts a disk in a drive. As soon as installation starts, put his Ankh on a chassis for greater effect. When the installation process finishes and during the first boot Windows hangs up, proclaims : “Disbeliever ! Feel the wrath of Gods !” and smashes accursed device into a lot of tiny pieces.

5. Mage

Carefully takes Windows installation disk and casts Identify spell on it. After the spell determines the version of Windows on a disk, casts a Detect Magic spell on it. When his spell detects nothing unusual, breathes with a sign of relief and cast a Detect Alignment spell on it. Becomes wary after the spell detects Alignment : Chaotic Neutral. Casts a Purify spell on disk and only then finally launches installation process. Having fun with own familiar during the installation process. After the installation completes, repeatedly casts Detect Alignment spell on a computer. Becomes alerted even more, when a spell determines Alignment : Chaotic Evil. Casts Time Stop, trying to decipher, what magical streams have created such astounding alteration of disk’s alignment. Reboots the computer. When during the first boot Windows hangs up, becomes extremely angered, casting on himself Haste, Greater Globe Of Invulnerability, Greater Reflect Magic, Stoneskin, Ironskin, Total Immunity and then at last casts Improved Fireball on ill-fated device, enjoying a smell of burned rubber and wires.

6. Barbarian

Takes installation disk, plays with it, trying to understand, by what side it should be inserted into a drive. Puts a disk into a drive by the first found side. After that emits a heart-breaking war cry in order to start installation process. When Windows disk shutters into pieces from such vibrations, becomes extremely enraged and, having entered a berserker condition, smashes accursed device (and what is remained from a disk as well) into a thousand and one pieces.

7. Ranger

Shoots an arrow and opens a drive, having hit Eject button. Puts installation Windows disk on a second arrow and fires it in a drive. When a disk, having fallen from an arrow just in time just into a drive, starts installation process. While installation process goes on, summons Black Bear and discusses with him the delights of the wood hunting, which have allowed him to find an aforementioned disk in a belly of some unlucky wood troll together with even less lucky thief – the initial owner of the disk, - swallowed by the troll. When the installation processes comes to its end and during the first boot Windows hangs up, sets his Black Bear on a chassis, while making a pillow for needles from a monitor himself.

8. Bard

Before inserting a disk in a drive, takes it out for everyone to behold and starts singing a ballade of far kingdoms and treasures of Goddess-destiny, who have helped him to once find such a wonderful and admirable artifact. When somewhat about twenty gawks and gapers gather around him, sings not less heart-touching ballade of the terrifying black dragon, nicknamed Microsoft, whom he along with his comrades-in-arms have finally defeated in a bloody and just battle, and in whose lair such artifact has been found. When somewhat about fifty gawks and gapers gather around him, at last dares to insert this disk in a drive. When a message popups : “Unregistered Windows copy. To register, go to : www.microsoft.com” , makes a sad gesture and sings even more heart-touching ballade of a deceit, lie and insidiousness, reigning in the lands of Faerun.

9. Monk