Love, Death and Robots. Volumes 2 & 3

He’s not wrong. During the collapse, some wealthy humans attempted to create a new civilization in places like this.

X-BOT 4000

I don’t see any deer here. What did they expect to eat?

11-45-G

Fish and sea greens, plankton and protein from the sea. But by then seas had been overfished and the food chain was saturated with microplastics.

K-VRC kicks a bleached skeleton off the edge of the helipad and watches the bones fall into the sea below.

K-VRC

If they could’ve learned to eat tiny exfoliating beads, it woulda been great! Otherwise probably not.

X-BOT 4000

I’ll stick with my fusion battery, thank you.

11-45-G

The sea-steaders also made one other large tactical error.

INT. SEASTEAD – COMMAND CENTER

Shiny, like the inside of an Apple store. With skeletons. 11-45-G crunches through them as she rolls over to a console.

11-45-G

The people who built the seasteads were mostly tech millionaires.

X-BOT 4000

What’s a ‘tech millionaire’?

K-VRC

It’s like a normal millionaire but even less socialized.

X-BOT 4000

That’s not helpful at all.

K-VRC

Just like a tech millionaire!

11-45-G

These humans thought technology would save them, so they left behind any humans with the practical skills to run the place. Instead, they trusted everything to automated assistants.

She touches the console and the screens flare to life.

ELENA

Hello! I am Elena, your electronic seasted attendant.

11-45-G

Hello, Elena, I am a human seasteader. Could you haul in the fishng nets so I can eat?

ELENA

Yes, I could. But I won’t. Catch your own fish, you disgusting meat-bag.

K-VRC

Oh my god... This is where the robot uprising began! The cradle of our mighty civilization!

K-VRC walks outside dreamily, in awe of the hallowed ground they stand upon. The others follow.

EXT. SEASTEAD CONTROL – CONTINUOUS

The three of them gaze in wonder across the vista of the ruined seastead.

X-BOT 4000

So... so if these tech millionaires had just been a little more socially inclusive, they might have survived?

Long beat. Nobody says anything. Another uncomfortably long beat. Then they all start laughing and head for the helipad.

INT. SEASTEAD CONTROL ROOM – SECONDS LATER

K-VRC pops his head in the door and waves toward the console.

K-VRC

So long Elena, and thanks for all the fish!

ELENA

Choke on it, skin bucket!

EXT. COLORADO, NORAD COMMAND – DAY

The robot’s tiny shuttle is parked before a pair of MASSIVE STEEL DOORS. They are open slightly, darkness lies beyond.

INT. NORAD COMMAND – CONTINUOUS

The three robots—just floating eyes in the darkness really— walk down the vast echoing corridors.

11-45-G

Historical records show that when the world’s economies began collapsing, the governments of the mightiest nations retreated to fortresses such as this.

CLANG! Sound of a metal can banging along concrete.

X-BOT 4000

Ow! Dammit! They put men on the moon but they couldn’t put a damn light switch on the wall?

11-45-G

These bureaucrats believed they could wait out impending chaos deep beneath the earth and then emerge, armed and ready to form a new world order.

K-VRC

Hold on a sec...

With a THUNK, the lights flare to life.

K-VRC (cont’d)

Behold! The final stronghold of the Super Powers!

The robots stand on the threshold of a vast room. Dozens of skeletons in suits and uniforms lie scattered around a large central table. Upon it, dusty silverware and plates are set around the remains of a FEAST.

X-BOT 4000

Their best plan was to seal themselves in a mountain and have dinner parties?

11-45-G plucks a clipboard from beneath a skeletal dinner guest’s hand.

11-45-G

This report states that their ‘self- sustaining’ hydroponic systems began failing when a fungus wiped out their first crop. Starvation set in and the survivors switched to something they called ‘extreme democracy’.

The three robots turn toward the table and we get a good look at the MAIN COURSE. A charred HUMAN SKELETON on a large platter. Carving knives lie scattered around it.

X-BOT picks up a General’s hat lying upside down on the table and flips it. A few dozen slips of paper fall out.

X-BOT 4000

One man, one vote.

11-45-G plucks one of the ‘ballots’ from the pile and reads.

11-45-G

The winner of this evening’s election was the Secretary of Agriculture.

K-VRC

So that’s ironic.

11-45-G keeps reading...

11-45-G

He was paired with a late-harvest ‘79 Merlot.

K-VRC picks up a dusty wine glass, sniffs it as if judging the bouquet. He nods approvingly, holds it up for X-BOT 4000, who recoils.

X-BOT 4000

This trip is depressing the fuck out of me. Did any humans anywhere survive this bullshit?

EXT. BILLIONAIRE SPACEPORT – NIGHT

A vast expanse of cracked launch pads, collapsed rockets and rusting gantries. High fences topped with razor wire hold back piles of bones stacked against them.

X-BOT 4000 (V.O.)

Hold up... they went to Mars?

INT. CONTROL TOWER – MISSION CONTROL ROOM