Love, Death and Robots. Volumes 2 & 3

The remainder of the skeleton, stripped of all flesh, still rests on the seashore, the clutter of bleached ribs like the timbers of a derelict ship. The contractor’s hut, the crane and the scaffolding have been removed, and the sand being driven into the bay along the coast has buried the pelvis and backbone. In the winter the high curved bones are deserted, battered by the breaking waves, but in the summer they provide an excellent perch for the sea-wearying gulls.

THREE ROBOTS: HUMAN HABITATS John Scalzi

EXT. DESOLATE LANDSCAPE – DAY

A VAST CRATER yawns before us, perhaps the aftermath of some horrific cosmic event, eons before our time.

The earth RUMBLES, dust SWIRLS and a MASSIVE ALIEN OBJECT drops into frame. The ground crumbles beneath the huge artifact, its colossal weight pressing deep into the earth.

SNAP OUT and end the SLOWMO PARTY. The ‘alien object’ is the FOOT of XBOT 4000, as he climbs from a small hover craft. More craters can be seen in every direction.

X-BOT 4000

Nice job, you landed us in a minefield!

K-VRC

Only a little bit! Anyway, the mines are so old, they probably won’t go off anymore.

Just then a sparrow lands on the ground a few meters in front of them, pecks at a worm, pulling it free and – BOOM!

K-VRC (cont’d)

I’m sure that was the last of ‘em. Come on, we’ve got science to do!

Ignoring the danger, K-VRC starts forward as dust and feathers drift down around them. 11-45-G rolls after and X- BOT follows timidly.

11-45-G

Yes, an in-depth survey of post-apocalyptic humanity could uncover important insights for our nascent machine culture on how to survive.

X-BOT 4000 picks up a skull lying on the ground, it’s still wearing a red GIMME CAP that says ‘GIT ‘R DONE’. (ALT: ‘I lubricate my gun with liberal tears’)

X-BOT 4000

Or blow our shiny asses into scrap metal!

He tosses the skull over his shoulder and follows the other robots toward a dilapidated farm, surrounded by barbed wire. A SURVIVALIST COMPOUND.

Behind him, the skull hits the ground – BOOM!

INT. SURVIVALIST COMPOUND - DAY

The survivalist compound is a mess. Skeletons everywhere, all of them holding firearms. Bullet holes and broken windows. Shelves of rusting canned goods and cracked water barrels.

X-BOT 4000

Why’d they call ‘em survivalist camps if they’re fulla dead people? Seems like false advertising to me.

K-VRC

I know, right!? And even more weird, historical records suggest these ‘preppers’ were actually excited about the collapse of civilization!

11-45-G

Many humans thought that with freedom from government-sponsored medical attention and enough bullets and venison jerky they could found a utopian society.

X-BOT 4000

Well, I see all the bullets. Where’s the venison?

K-VRC

Oh, they hunted deer to extinction. Along with every other animal larger than a cat. Humans were snackish.

K-VRC wanders off as X-BOT tries on the hat he found earlier.

11-45-G

Then they began raiding each other’s encampments.

(points to the armed skeletons)

They’re not aiming out the windows because the deer were coming for revenge.

K-VRC (O.S.)

Hey guys! Over here! I found a blood pit!

INT. PIT FILLED WITH SPIKES

11-45-G and X-BOT look down on K-VRC standing at the bottom of a pit full of SPIKES and SKELETONS.

11-45-G

It’s not a blood pit. It’s just a primitive booby trap.

K-VRC

But... the bodies did have blood in them at one point, so technically I’m correct.

11-45-G

(sighs)

Fine. It’s a blood pit.

X-BOT 4000

These dudes made it through a minefield, barbed wire and guns, only to become survivalist cult kebabs?

11-45-G

Yes. But at least they died free of governmental constraint.

X-BOT 4000

On a spike.

K-VRC

(points)

On two spikes, in that guy’s case!

X-BOT 4000

So humanity tried to make it through the end of the civilization with guns and spikes?

K-VRC’s legs EXTEND and he rises to the edge of the pit and steps out.

K-VRC

Of course not! Just the poor ones!

11-45-G

These humans had few economic or social advantages and fewer options. The wealthy and powerful had a variety of sophisticated survival strategies.

EXT. REFURBISHED OIL RIG OFF THE COAST OF SOMEWHERE

A rusting OIL RIG rises from the wave-tossed sea. A closer look reveals that the heavy DRILLING EQUIPMENT has been replaced by a once-sleek, but now decrepit looking habitat. Our three hero’s shuttle sits on the helipad.

K-VRC spins joyfully, arms out, as if presenting this ancient wonder to his the world.

K-VRC (V.O.)

Welcome to sea-steading!

K-VRC (V.O.) (ALT)

Welcome to the unsinkable libertarian dream that is sea-steading!

X-BOT 4000

It’s an old oil rig.

K-VRC

Yes... but also a fully sovereign nation state on the high seas!

X-BOT 4000

I think you got salt in your CPU.

11-45-G