Inside Straight

“You shouldn’t distract the lady while she’s driving,” Toad Man had said with great indignance, beating Jamal by milliseconds. (There were useful wild card powers, and then there were the ridiculous ones: Spasm’s ability to make other people orgasm or sneeze at will struck Jamal as proof that life made no fucking sense. Jamal wouldn’t miss Spasm, now that he had deservedly joined the Discards.)

Getting Roller out of the truck and into the mansion had taxed even the great minds of the American Hero team: ramps had been built to allow the gigantic ace to shuffle his way to the front door, but getting all five hundred pounds of the man out of the truck… well, it took both camera crews and a lot of sweating and cursing. “They should have used a crane,” Toad had said, in all seriousness. “Isn’t that what movie people use?”

Jamal had failed to answer, as Holy Roller began, in his best Sunday-go-to-meeting voice, to alternately berate the grips for cursing (“Gentlemen, please! To hear the Lord’s name and everyone else’s taken in vain on such a beautiful day! It’s a shame, it is!”) while alerting them to the glories of God’s plan (“Join the righteous, my friends! Find the joy!”) was theater no one dared interrupt.

Now, alone in the kitchen with beautiful, unapproachable Jade, Jamal is half-worried that Roller is right outside… listening… and, if listening, judging.

“Now they have to use that truck to keep us supplied.”

“Another good reason to vote him off.”

Jade shook her pretty head. “They’ll keep Roller around as long as they can. He’s too much like the people watching this shit.”

“How’d you get to be so cynical, so young?”

Jade can’t be more than two years younger than Jamal. “Go to a few auditions as an actress and see what it does to you.”

Jamal realizes that beautiful Jade has no idea what he does—granted, their introductions had been perfunctory, but Jamal has since pored over the online bios. Jade obviously hasn’t, or she would know that he has been on his share of auditions, too. More proof that he has no chance with her. “Why did you join American Hero, then? It’s really the same shit, isn’t it?”

She has found a box of Cheerios and casually opens it. As Jamal looks for a bowl and a spoon, he sees Jade eating right out of the box. Not that he objects—she could put her mouth on anything he owns—but he’s so hungry he’s almost salivating. “I like shows like this. Laguna Beach, Survivor, Great Race. They’re the only thing I ever watch.”

Nothing in this cupboard. “So you know exactly how to play the game.”

“Yeah.” She crunches away. “They sort of cast these things. There’s always the old guy, the biker, the crazy one—” and here she smiles “—the minority.”

“Only me?” Jamal gestures gracefully toward Jade. “What about Chinese-American girls?”

“My category is hot girl. Hot girl trumps the whole minority thing.” This is as true as it is irritating. “The other category in reality TV is freaks, but…” And here Jade smiles very fetchingly. At that instant, Jamal is lost—she can be as bitchy and self-centered as she wants, she will have to rip his heart out of his chest and stomp it. “On American Hero the freaks are the majority. Which is why even a… hugely fat white man is someone they have to hold onto. Will someone answer the fucking phone? Please?”

Jamal realizes he has been hearing a chirping from the living room. Toad Man hollers that he will get it. “Hullo,” they hear him say. “This is Buford.”

“So you’ve got your strategy all figured out. Be the hot girl.”

“And let you big strong men knock each other off.”

“How am I supposed to knock these other guys off? My wild card is nothing but defensive. I take a licking and keep on ticking. Big whoop.”

Jade is still crunching. “I thought you were the big jock!”

This is a surprisingly perceptive thing for a woman as self-involved as Jade to say. “Who says I’m a jock?”

“You walk like a jock. You talk like a jock. I know jocks… all my brothers play sports.”

Toad Man appears in the kitchen doorway, blinking, as always, in apparent bafflement. “Hullo. Ah, they want us. Griffith Park Observatory. Does anyone know where that is?”

Wet, glistening, still in her bikini, just out of the pool, Diver drips in the hallway. “In Griffith Park.”

Holy Roller is at the other end of the hallway, blocking it like a cork in a wine bottle and—to Jamal’s amusement—preventing Art and the camera crew for getting any useful footage. “Praise God. Another challenge. May the Lord be with us!”

The Clubs disperse to their rooms for last-minute prep for cameras, including Jade Blossom. Jamal realizes that the woman has taken the box of Cheerios. And that he still hasn’t had breakfast.

~ ~ ~

Jade has come surprisingly close to explaining everything there is to know about Jamal Norwood. Forget the wild card—his life changed from what he wanted to something else long before that rainy night in 2001.