Induction

He grabbed the sides of my face. His eyes burned with intensity and it felt like they would bore holes straight through me like a laser. “Cut the crap, Emma. We got lucky last time out there. What if our luck runs out this time?”

That made me mad. “First of all, Adam, I am not afraid to let Jake go, I refuse to. And whatever feelings I do or do not have toward you don’t matter. In fact, throwing them at me and then trying to guilt me into saying them back by giving me the ‘I may not return’ speech is a dick move.” I shoved his hands off my face and turned to stalk away.

“You’re right,” he said. “It is a dick move, but I don’t know how else to do it. I care about you. More than a friend and more than I have any right to. Jesus, I hope Jake is alive, too. It doesn’t change the fact that I’ve fallen in love with you.”

“Be safe out there, Adam. Make sure you come back.” I walked away from him and pushed by Meg who’d heard the entire conversation. Adam, Lowell, and Seth cast off and paddled out of view. After my awkward exchange with Adam, I planted myself in a beach chair on the upper deck and stared out into the water. Meg slid into the seat next to mine.

“I get it, you know.”

“Not now, Meg,” I warded her off.

“It’s been over a month. I don’t want to accept it any more than you do, but maybe it’s time we let go of Jake.”

I opened my eyes and was about to come back with a scathing remark when I saw the tears in her eyes. I softened my reproach and sighed.

“Even if I were ready to give your brother up for dead, it wouldn’t feel right starting something with Adam. I’m just not ready to go there… with anyone. Jesus, I miss him so much it hurts. It feels like a constant pain in my chest. I feel like I’m going through the motions of life.”

“I know, Emma. Did you forget we share a bed? I hear you crying every night. I miss him, too.” She leaned over and put her arms around me in a soothing hug. “I know you love my brother, and he loved you more than anything in the world. I love you, too. You’re my sister; now more than ever I cherish you as all the family I have left. Hang on to hope if you need to, but if things change, I support you. I know it hasn’t been that long, but it feels like forever. We’re in a fishbowl, literally. It’s like one of those reality shows where they stick a group of people in a house and lock them in. Such close proximity makes it easier to develop feelings.”

Nancy reappeared on deck after a few minutes and handed us a few bottles of water as she pulled up a chair. Gabby was a few yards away playing fetch with Daphne. I smiled at the scene, knowing full well that Daphne didn’t fetch, and wondered how long Gabby would spend trying to coax her into it. “I told her Finn wasn’t coming back. That maybe he found more people like us and was going to stay with them because he was sad. I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell her what really happened,” Nancy said. She leaned back and took in the sun.

“I remember the day my Alan was born. He was so beautiful. Jim was one of those fools you see in the movies and passed out as soon as he saw Alan’s little head start to pop out.” She smiled at the memory.

Meg and I exchanged glances. We didn’t know she had a son. Nancy caught the glance and elaborated. “Alan died in Afghanistan. He was a private in the army and insurgents bombed the house he had been clearing. It was a long time ago. Just long enough to take the edge off the pain of losing him, but not enough to get over it. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, but at least the nightmares have stopped keeping me up at night.” She looked over to the zombie peanut gallery on the dock. “Now there’s a whole new set of nightmares to keep me up.”

Only two hours had gone by since the men left. It felt more like two days. Daphne had grown bored of her one-sided fetch game and had gone down into the boat to entertain herself. We were still sitting in the sun when we heard an unknown voice shout, “Ahoy mateys!” A small, yellow cigarette boat had come up behind us and two middle aged men were waving, huge smiles plastered on their faces.

Meg shot out of her seat and pointed at them. Like somehow we would have missed them had she not shown us they were there. “Oh my God! It’s people, live people.” The boat’s engine cut off as it floated toward us, and my stomach twisted into knots. They were the first survivors we’d seen since leaving Target, but I still felt apprehensive.

“You ladies sure are a sight for sore eyes. We’ve gone nearly the entire length of this coast and you’re the first people we’ve seen.” They introduced themselves: Mel, a mechanic from Fort Myers and Dave, an X-ray tech from the Cape. Dave had been at St. Vincent’s the night Mary Jennings had come in. Like me, his shift ended at midnight and he made it out before they even knew things were out of control. They hadn’t eaten in over a day and drank the last of their water that morning.