In Search of the Miraculous

It is very hard to live without 'buffers.' But they keep man from the possibility of inner development because 'buffers' are made to lessen shocks and it is only shocks that can

lead a man out of the state in which he lives, that is, waken him. 'Buffers' lull a man to sleep, give him the agreeable and peaceful sensation that all will be well, that no

contradictions exist and that he can sleep in peace. 'Buffers' are appliances by means of -which a man can always be in the right. 'Buffers' help a man not to feel his conscience.

" 'Conscience' is again a term that needs explanation.

"In ordinary life the concept 'conscience' is taken too simply. As if we had a

conscience. Actually the concept 'conscience' in the sphere of the emotions is

equivalent to the concept 'consciousness' in the sphere of the intellect. And as we have

no consciousness we have no conscience.

"Consciousness is a state in which a man knows all at once everything that he in general knows and in which he can see how little he does know and how many

contradictions there are in what he knows.

"Conscience is a state in which a man feels all at once everything that he in general feels, or can feel. And as everyone has within him thousands of contradictory feelings

which vary from a deeply hidden realization of his own nothingness and fears of all

kinds to the most stupid kind of self-conceit, self-confidence, self-satisfaction, and

self-praise, to feel all this together would not only be painful but literally unbearable.

"If a man whose entire inner world is composed of contradictions were suddenly to

feel all these contradictions simultaneously within himself, if he were to feel all at

once that he loves everything he hates and hates everything he loves; that he lies when

he tells the truth and that he tells the truth when he lies; and if he could feel the shame and horror

of it all, this would be the state which is called 'conscience. A man cannot live in this state; he must either destroy contradictions or destroy conscience. He cannot destroy

conscience, but if he cannot destroy it he can put it to sleep, that is, he can separate by impenetrable barriers one feeling of self from another, never see them together, never

feel their incompatibility, the absurdity of one existing alongside another.

"But fortunately for man, that is, for his peace and for his sleep, this state of

conscience is very rare. From early childhood 'buffers' begin to grow and strengthen

in him, taking from him the possibility of seeing his inner contradictions and

therefore, for him, there is no danger whatever of a sudden awakening. Awakening is

possible only for those who seek it and want it, for those who are ready to struggle

with themselves and work on themselves for a very long time and very persistently in

order to attain it. For this it is necessary to destroy 'buffers,' that is, to go out to meet all those inner sufferings which are connected with the sensations of contradictions.

Moreover the destruction of 'buffers' in itself requires very long work and a man must

agree to this work realizing that the result of his work will be every possible

discomfort and suffering from the awakening of his conscience.

"But conscience is the fire which alone can fuse all the powders in the glass retort which was mentioned before and create the unity which a man lacks in that state in

which he begins to study himself.

"The concept 'conscience' has nothing in common with the concept 'morality.'

"Conscience is a general and a permanent phenomenon. Conscience is the same for all men and conscience is possible only in the absence of 'buffers.' From the point of

view of understanding the different categories of man we may say that there exists the

conscience of a man in whom there are no contradictions. This conscience is not

suffering; on the contrary it is joy of a totally new character which we are unable to

understand. But even a momentary awakening of conscience in a man who has

thousands of different I's is bound to involve suffering. And if these moments of

conscience become longer and if a man does not fear them but on the contrary cooperates with them and tries to keep and prolong them, an element of very subtle joy, a foretaste of the future 'clear consciousness' will gradually enter into these moments.

"There is nothing general in the concept of 'morality.' Morality consists of buffers.

There is no general morality. What is moral in China is immoral in Europe and what

is moral in Europe is immoral in China. What is moral in Petersburg is immoral in the

Caucasus. And what is moral in the Caucasus is immoral in Petersburg. What is moral

in one class of society is immoral in another and vice versa. Morality is always and

everywhere an artificial phenomenon. It consists of various 'taboos,' that is,

restrictions, and various demands, sometimes sensible in their