Granny Dan

They spoke to her of the ballet, and were also surprised to find her knowledgeable on many subjects. Thanks to Nikolai, in recent weeks at least, she had done a great deal of reading and learning. She seemed to absorb new information like a sponge, and remember everything he told her. And listening to her now, he was oddly proud of her, as though she were his child, or something of his creating.

He allowed her to stay for quite a while, and then finally, after eleven o'clock, when he saw her growing pale, and she seemed a trifle less animated, he decided that it was wisest to withdraw her. He said something discreetly to the Czarina, and then gently told Danina that he thought it was best for her to go home now. It had been a very exciting first evening for her. And although she had loved every minute of it, she didn't argue with him. Though she hated to admit it to him, she was exhausted, and he could see it. But she was still smiling, as she leaned her head back and looked at the stars, as they rode back to the cottage.

And as he walked her inside, he stood very close to her, and put an arm around her shoulders for just a moment. She leaned her head against him, partially out of fatigue, but more out of the ease they shared, and her gratitude for all he had done for her.

“I had a wonderful time, Nikolai … thank you for letting me go … and for arranging it for me … everyone was so kind to me, I had a lovely time,” and she mentioned one of the guests who had been very funny. “It's a shame the Czar couldn't be there.” Everyone had said they missed him. She smiled then, as she looked up at her friend. “It was a lovely party.”

“Everyone was in love with you tonight, Danina. Count Orlovsky thought you were particularly charming.” He was well into his eighties, and had flirted with her shamelessly all evening, but even his wife thought it amusing. He had been doing precisely that and nothing more, with many beautiful women, in the sixty-five years they had been married.

“Alexei was very disappointed I wouldn't play cards with him tonight,” she said as she took off her cape. It was an odd feeling, coming home together and talking about the evening, almost as though they were married. “I didn't play cards with him,” she explained, “because I didn't want to be rude to the others.”

“You can play cards with him another time. Perhaps tomorrow, if you're both up to it. I'm afraid he will be very tired. And you?” He looked at her then with worried eyes. “How do you feel, Danina?”

Her eyes looked vibrant and alive when she answered, their brilliant blue brighter than ever. “I feel happy and wonderful, and as though I had the most beautiful evening of my life.” She stood looking at him with a small smile, as he walked slowly toward her. He still had his coat on.

“I've never known anyone like you,” he said softly, as he stood directly in front of her, looking down at her, and for that one moment, he forgot entirely who she was. She was not a prima ballerina, or even his patient. She was his friend, a woman he was dazzled by, whom he had come to love, without ever expecting something like that to happen. “You are truly extraordinary,” he said in a whisper, and then he took her breath away with his next words, as her eyes widened in amazement. “Danina … I love you. …” And without waiting for an answer from her, he bent gently toward her and kissed her. He held her in his arms, and she was startled to realize how powerful he was, and without thinking, she held him close to her and kissed him in answer. But within an instant, she had pulled away from him and was looking up at him in terror. What had they done? What would they do now? It would spoil everything if they did this.

“I … I don't … we can't … we must not, Nikolai. … I don't know how that happened….” There were tears of distress in her eyes as he took her hands in his own. He was the first man she had ever kissed, or who had kissed her. At nineteen, he had opened a door for her that had never been opened to her before, and she had no idea what to do now.

“I know exactly how it happened, Danina,” he said, sounding calmer than he felt. As he looked at her, his heart was pounding. And now he was terrified to lose her. Perhaps with one brave gesture he had driven her away from him forever, and the prospect of that filled him with terror. Whatever happened now, he could not lose her. “I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I never thought you would live through the night. But I was haunted by you for all those days, you were an illusion of grace and beauty, an injured butterfly I thought would not be spared. But I had no idea who you were, I knew nothing of you … until now … until you came here, and we have sat talking every day. And now I love everything about you, your mind, your spirit, your kind heart…. Danina, I cannot live without you.” It was a plea for clemency as well as a gift he gave her, and she knew it.