Farmer Giles of Ham

`Hey!' said he, and stopped snorting. He began to tremble and backed away, and all the fire in him was chilled. `You have not, I hope, come to kill me, good master?' he whined.

`Nay! nay!' said the farmer. `I said naught about killing.' The grey mare sniffed.

`Then what, may I ask, are you doing with all these knights?' said Chrysophylax. `Knights always kill dragons, if we don't kill them first.'

`I'm doing nothing with them at all. They're naught to me,' said Giles. `And anyway, they are all dead now or gone. What about what you said last Epiphany?'

`What about it?' said the dragon anxiously.

`You're nigh on a month late,' said Giles, `and payment is overdue. I've come to collect it. You should beg my pardon for all the bother I have been put to.'

`I do indeed!' said he. `I wish you had not troubled to come.'

'It'll be every bit of your treasure this time, and no market-tricks,' said Giles, `or dead you'll be, and I shall hang your skin from our church steeple as a warning.'

`It's cruel hard!' said the dragon.

`A bargain's a bargain,' said Giles.

`Can't I keep just a ring or two, and a mite of gold in consideration of cash payment?' said he.

`Not a brass button!' said Giles. And so they kept on for a while, chaffering and arguing like folk at a fair. Yet the end of it was as you might expect; for whatever else might be said, few had ever outlasted Farmer Giles at a bargaining.

The dragon had to walk all the way back to his cave, for Giles stuck to his side with Tailbiter held mighty close. There was a narrow path that wound up and round the the mountain, and there-was barely room for the two of them. The mare came just behind and she looked rather thoughtful.

It was five miles, if it was a step, and stiff going; and Giles trudged along, puffing and blowing, but never taking his eye off the worm. At last on the west side of the mountain they came to the mouth of the cave. It was large and black and forbidding, and its brazen doors swung on great pillars of iron. Plainly it had been a place of strength and pride in days long forgotten; for dragons do not build such works nor delve such mines, but dwell rather, when they may, in the tombs and treasuries of mighty men and giants of old. The doors of this deep house were set wide, and in their shadow they halted. So far Chrysophylax had had no chance to escape, but coming now to his own gate he sprang forward and prepared to plunge in.

Farmer Giles hit him with the flat of the sword. `Woa!' said he. `Before you go in, I've something to say to you. If you ain't outside again in quick time with something worth bringing. I shall come in after you and cut off your tail to begin with.'

The mare sniffed. She could not imagine Farmer Giles going down alone into a dragon's den for any money on earth. But Chrysophylax was quite prepared to believe it, with Tailbiter looking so bright and sharp and all. And maybe he was right, and the mare, for all her wisdom, had not yet understood the change in her master. Farmer Giles was backing his luck, and after two encounters was beginning to fancy that no dragon could stand up to him.

Anyway, out came Chrysophylax again in mighty quick time, with twenty pounds (troy) of gold and silver, and a chest of rings and necklaces and other pretty stuff.

`There!' said he.

`Where?' said Giles. `That's not half enough, if that's what you mean. Nor half what you've got, I'll be bound.'

`Of course not!' said the dragon, rather perturbed to find that the farmer's wits seemed to have become brighter since that day in the village. `Of course not! But I can't bring it all out at once.'

`Nor at twice, I'll wager,' said Giles. `In you go again, and out again double quick, or I'll give you a taste of Tailbiter!'

`No!' said the dragon, and in he popped and out again double quick. `There!' said he putting down an enormous load of gold and two chests of diamonds.

`Now try again!' said the farmer, `And try harder!'

'It's hard, cruel hard,' said the dragon, as he went back again.

But by this time the grey mare was getting a bit anxious on her own account. `Who's going to carry all this heavy stuff home, I wonder?' thought she; and she gave such a long sad look at all the bags and the boxes that the farmer guessed her mind.

`Never you worry, lass!' said he. `We'll make the old worm do the carting.'

`Mercy on us!' said the dragon, who overheard these words as he came out of the cave for the third time with the biggest load of all, and a mort of rich jewels like green and red fire. `Mercy on us! If I carry all this, it will be near the death of me, and a bag more I never could manage not if you killed me for it.'

`Then there is more still, is there?' said the farmer.