Eric

President Astfgl, sitting in a pool of light in his huge, dark office, blew into the speaking tube again.

“Hallo?” he said. “Hallo?”

There didn’t seem to be anyone answering.

Strange.

He picked up one of his coloured pens, and looked around at the stack of work behind him. All those records, to be analysed, considered, assessed and evaluated, and then suitable management directives to be arrived at, and an in-depth policy document to be drafted and then, after due consideration, redrafted again …

He tried the tube once more.

“Hallo? Hallo?”

No-one there. Still, not to worry, lots to do. His time was far too important to waste.

He sank his feet into his thick, warm carpet.

He looked proudly at his potted plants.

He tapped a complicated assembly of chromed wire and balls, which began to swing and click executively.

He unscrewed the top of his pen with a firm, decisive hand.

He wrote: What business are we in???

He thought for a bit, and then carefully wrote, underneath: We are in the damnation business!!!

And this, too, was happiness. Of a sort.

THE END

Also by Terry Pratchett

THE CARPET PEOPLE

THE DARK SIDE OF THE SUN

STRATA

TRUCKERS

DIGGERS

WINGS

ONLY YOU CAN SAVE MANKIND

JOHNNY AND THE DEAD

JOHNNY AND THE BOMB

THE UNADULTERATED CAT (with Gray Jolliffe)

GOOD OMENS (with Neil Gaiman)

The Discworld® Series:

THE COLOUR OF MAGIC*

THE LIGHT FANTASTIC*

EQUAL RIGHTS*

MORT*

SORCERY

WYRD SISTERS

PYRAMIDS

GUARDS! GUARDS!

ERIC (with Josh Kirby)

MOVING PICTURES

REAPER MAN

WITCHES ABROAD

SMALL GODS

LORDS AND LADIES

MEN AT ARMS

SOUL MUSIC

INTERESTING TIMES

MASKERADE

FEET OF CLAY

HOGFATHER

JINGO

THE LAST CONTINENT

CARPE JUGULUM

THE FIFTH ELEPHANT

THE TRUTH

THE THIEF OF TIME

MORT: A DISCWORLD BIG COMIC (with Graham Higgins)

GUARDS! GUARDS! (with Graham Higgins and Stephen Briggs)

THE PRATCHETT PORTFOLIO (with Paul Kidby)

THE DISCWORLD COMPANION (with Stephen Briggs)

THE STREETS OF ANKH-MORPORK (with Stephen Briggs)

THE DISCWORLD MAPP (with Stephen Briggs)

DEATH’S DOMAIN (with Paul Kidby)

DISCWORLD’S UNSEEN UNIVERSITY DIARY 1998 (with Stephen Briggs and Paul Kidby)

DISCWORLD’S ANKH-MORPORK CITY WATCH DIARY 1999 (with Stephen Briggs and Paul Kidby)

DISCWORLD ASSASSINS’ GUILD DIARY 2000 (with Stephen Briggs and Paul Kidby)

DISCWORLD FOOLS’ GUILD DIARY 2001 (with Stephen Briggs and Paul Kidby)

* also available as Compact editions

Author biography

Sir Terry Pratchett is a publishing phenomenon. Among his many prizes and citations are the World Fantasy Life Achievement Award, the Carnegie Medal, the BSFA Award, eight honorary doctorates and, of course, a knighthood. He is the author of fifty bestselling books but is best known for the globally bestselling Discworld series.

The first Discworld novel, The Colour of Magic, was published in 1983, and the series is still going strong almost three decades later. Four Discworld novels — Hogfather, Going Postal, The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic — have been adapted for television, with more to follow. His books have sold more than 70 million copies worldwide, and been translated into thirty-seven languages. Terry Pratchett lives near Salisbury in Wiltshire.