Equal Rites

Not for them the coveted pointy hat with optional astrological symbols, or the impressive robes, or the staff of authority. But at least they could look down on conjurers, who tended to be jolly and fat and inclined to drop their aitches and drink beer and go around with sad thin women in spangly tights and really infuriate magicians by not realizing how lowly they were and kept telling them jokes. Lowliest of all — apart from witches, of course — were thaumaturgists, who never got any schooling at all. A thaumaturgist could just about be trusted to wash out an alembic. Many spells required things like mould from a corpse dead of crushing, or the semen of a living tiger, or the root of a plant that gave an ultrasonic scream when it was uprooted. Who was sent to get them? Right.

It is a common error to refer to the lower magical ranks as hedge wizards. In fact hedge wizardry is a very honoured and specialized form of magic that attracts silent, thoughtful men of the druidical persuasion and topiaric inclinations. If you invited a hedge wizard to a party he would spend half the evening talking to your potted plant. And he would spend the other half listening.

Esk noticed that there were some women in the hall, because even young wizards had mothers and sisters. Whole families had turned up to bid the favoured sons farewell. There was a considerable blowing of noses, wiping of tears and the clink of coins as proud fathers tucked a little spending money into their offspring’s hands.

Very senior wizards were perambulating among the crowds, talking to the sponsoring wizards and examining the prospective students.

Several of them pushed through the throng to meet Treatle, moving like gold-trimmed galleons under full sail. They bowed gravely to him and looked approvingly at Simon.

‘This is young Simon, is it?’ said the fattest of them, beaming at the boy. ‘We’ve heard great reports of you, young man. Eh? What?’

‘Simon, bow to Archchancellor Cutangle, Archmage of the Wizards of the Silver Star,’ said Treatle. Simon bowed apprehensively.

Cutangle looked at him benevolently. ‘We’ve heard great things about you, my boy,’ he said. ‘All this mountain air must be good for the brain, eh?’

He laughed. The wizards around him laughed. Treatle laughed. Which Esk thought was rather funny, because there wasn’t anything particularly amusing happening.

‘I ddddon’t know, ssss—’

‘From what we hear it must be the only thing you don’t know, lad!’ said Cutangle, his jowls waggling. There was another carefully timed bout of laughter.

Cutangle patted Simon on the shoulder.

‘This is the scholarship boy,’ he said. ‘Quite astounding results, never seen better. Self-taught, too. Astonishing, what? Isn’t that so, Treatle?’

‘Superb, Archchancellor.’

Cutangle looked around at the watching wizards.

‘Perhaps you could give us a sample,’ he said. ‘A little demonstration, perhaps?’

Simon looked at him in animal panic.

‘A-actually I’m not very g-g-g—’

‘Now, now,’ said Cutangle, in what he probably really did think was an encouraging tone of voice. ‘Do not be afraid. Take your time. When you are ready.’

Simon licked his dry lips and gave Treatle a look of mute appeal.

‘Um,’ he said, ‘y-you s-s-s-s—.’ He stopped and swallowed hard. ‘The f-f-f-f—’

His eyes bulged. The tears streamed from his eyes, and his shoulders heaved.

Treatle patted him reassuringly on the back.

‘Hayfever,’ he explained. ‘Don’t seem to be able to cure it. Tried everything.’

Simon swallowed, and nodded. He waved Treatle away with his long white hands and closed his eyes.

For a few seconds nothing happened. He stood with his lips moving soundlessly, and then silence spread out from him like candlelight. Ripples of noiselessness washed across the crowds in the hall, striking the walls with all the force of a blown kiss and then curling back in waves. People watched their companions mouthing silently and then went red with effort when their own laughter was as audible as a gnat’s squeak.

Tiny motes of light winked into existence around his head. They whirled and spiralled in a complex three-dimensional dance, and then formed a shape.

In fact it seemed to Esk that the shape had been there all the time, waiting for her eyes to see it, in the same way that a perfectly innocent cloud can suddenly become, without changing in any way, a whale or a ship or a face.

The shape around Simon’s head was the world.

That was quite clear, although the glitter and rush of the little lights blurred some of the detail. But there was Great A’Tuin the sky turtle, with the four Elephants on its back, and on them the Disc itself. There was the sparkle of the great waterfall around the edge of the world, and there at the very hub a tiny needle of rock that was the great mountain Cori Celesti, where the gods lived.