Diva Runs Out Of Thyme

I raced to the kitchen for turkey twine and returned to the living room. Bernie continued to sit on Clyde while I tied his wrists and ankles together. For added security, when Bernie rolled off Clyde, I trussed Clyde’s wrists to his ankles so he couldn’t stand up. Mochie sniffed Clyde’s head.

Clyde sneezed again. “Ged it away,” he said with a clogged nose. “I’b very allergic.”

Bernie called 911 while Natasha helped me truss Vicki.

“Vicki?” called Clyde. “Vick, can you hear be?” he slurred.

Vicki groaned. I had a feeling she would be all right, since she screwed her eyes shut like she wanted this nightmare to go away.

“Huh,” said Bernie, “they’re already on their way.”

“Nina probably called them,” I said, pulling the twine tight around Vicki’s ankles.

“Don’t tell them anything. Don’t admit to anything.” Clyde wormed along the floor toward Vicki. “I’ll take care of you.”

Vicki’s nostrils flared. “You won’t be able to take care of anything when you’re in jail for killing that private investigator.”

“Shut up!” yelled Clyde.

“You think I’m so dumb. Well, I knew Simon’s secrets. I knew he rigged the outcome of his shows. I don’t know where Otis found that rope, but Simon wouldn’t have paid you to kill Otis if he wasn’t desperate.”

“That was different. It was business. Otis knew the kind of chance he was taking when he tried to blackmail Simon.”

Mochie tentatively patted Clyde’s head with a paw.

Clyde sneezed again. “Simon would have been ruined.”

Flashing lights strobed the windows. I ran to the front door and opened it. A stream of police officers poured into the living room, followed by Wolf.

He paused for the briefest moment, cupped my cheek with one hand, and sucked in a deep breath. “You’re okay.”

I followed him into the dining room, where he took in the chaos.

Natasha sagged against me, her head in her hands. “I feel so responsible. I never intended for anything like this to happen. I hired Otis. Sophie”—she lowered her voice to a whisper—“I hired him to research Simon so I could know how to pitch my TV show to him. I want to go to a national audience and Simon could have made that happen. I never thought it would lead to all this mayhem.”

I shook Natasha. “Didn’t you hear Vicki? Your TV show didn’t have anything to do with Simon’s death. Simon brought it on himself, I’m sorry to say, by being callous and treating her like dirt.”

“But don’t you see? If I hadn’t hired Otis, he never would have dredged up the information he used against Simon.”

“You didn’t force Otis to blackmail Simon. Get a grip, Natasha.”

She sniffled. “Otis told me about Clyde being Vicki’s brother and gave me a photograph of Clyde. I thought Vicki could help me. I thought she could get Clyde to put in a good word for me, I never imagined that anything like this would happen.”

Paramedics rolled Andrew by us on a stretcher.

He reached out to me and croaked, “Vicki?”

She’d cheated on him, shot him, and murdered her lover, yet he still worried about her. “Natasha gave her a good thunk on the head, but I think she’ll be fine.”

I watched the paramedics carry him out the door. Nina, my family, Craig, Humphrey, the colonel, Francie, June, and Mars stood next to the sidewalk in a line. They called out when they saw me.

“Andrew’s been shot!” I yelled.

June and Mars walked beside Andrew as he was rolled to the ambulance.

“Mom!” I called. “Come on in.”

“They won’t let us,” she said. I pointed toward the kitchen door.

On my way there, Natasha said, “Shouldn’t we offer all these police officers something to eat?”

Everyone piled into the kitchen, except for June, who remained with Andrew. Mars asked excitedly, “Did you use the Tasers?”

Natasha’s eyes met mine. “I left my Taser at home.”

“Mine is in the foyer.”

Mars shook his head in disbelief. “Mom and I are going to follow the ambulance to the hospital. I’m guessing you’ll have to stay here, Nat, to give the cops your story?”

She gave him a kiss and said, “Pick me up on your way home.”

We spent the next half hour raiding the refrigerator and freezer. Everyone, even Francie, Nina, and Hannah, pitched in to make pizzas and panini grilled sandwiches.

We set up a buffet in the sunroom for the police officers to help themselves to coffee and food.

An hour later, only Natasha and I remained in the kitchen, baking the last of the chocolate chip cookie dough I kept in the freezer for emergencies.

“I know how Bernie entered the house, and I gather Vicki and Clyde were adept at picking locks, but how did you get in?” I asked.

Natasha didn’t flinch. “I used Mars’s key.”

“Mars gave his keys back to me.”

She shot me an incredulous look. “Like you really didn’t think he’d make a copy first? You know Mars, always the prepared Boy Scout.”

Since we were getting along fairly well for a change, I asked, “When you hired Otis, did you ask him to check me out?”