Dirty Little Secrets

I shrugged. “What about me?” He was dangerously easy to talk to.

“Well, I know that you’ve seen every Johnny Depp movie ever made and that you like Shel Silverstein.” I blushed, not expecting him to remember back that far. “Let’s see—you live with your mom, who is religious but very cool with the curfews. Does your dad live around here?”

“No,” I said. “He lives in Michigan with the new family.” I couldn’t believe all of this was sliding out of my mouth. It took months for me to tell Kaylie this much.

“That’s a drag,” Josh said. “Your mom never got married again?”

“Nope. She didn’t . . . she doesn’t even date or anything. Not since Dad left.” I realized too late that I was already thinking of her in the past tense. Josh didn’t seem to notice.

“You’re lucky,” he said. “My mom was never a good single person, which is why she makes such horrible choices. She’s cool now, but before this last husband, she was drinking pretty heavy. I used to wake up in the morning and find her passed out on the couch from the night before, a couple of empty wine bottles on the floor.”

It was hard to picture perfect Josh Lee coming from a broken home with an alcoholic mother. It didn’t seem to bother him that much, though, and he talked about it like he was talking about what his mom did for work. Casually. Like it had nothing to do with him.

“Is that why you don’t drink?” I asked.

“No. I wasn’t drinking because I’m driving tonight. My mom got a DUI a few years ago and almost killed someone in an accident. It was a mess to undo—it still isn’t all the way taken care of. I don’t need that kind of trouble.”

I smiled at him. “Is that the big family secret?”

Josh shook his head. “Not much of a secret,” he said. “Not sure who knows, but it doesn’t bother me. Just because she screwed up doesn’t make it my problem.”

I couldn’t believe that it really wouldn’t bother him that much. “Didn’t you worry what people were going to say about her? About all of you?”

“They probably didn’t say anything worse than I did at the time.” He thought for a minute. “I guess at first I was pretty pissed off and embarrassed by the whole thing. Luckily, nobody ever saw her totally messed up, except for us. When she had the accident, it sort of blew the whole thing wide open, so we couldn’t hide it anymore. It must have been before you started at our school, or believe me, you would have heard about it.” Josh looked at me from under a strand of dark, shining hair. “The funny thing is, it was almost a relief in a way. We were all forced to deal with it, instead of pretending everything was okay. She even met this husband at AA. He’s a lot of things, but at least he’s not a drunk.”

I swallowed hard, thinking about what he’d said. Despite what everyone always said about “getting it all off your chest,” I didn’t buy it. Maybe someone could forgive an addiction, but nobody was going to understand how we lived under a mountain of garbage for so long. It was different. It made us too different.

“Are you the youngest?” I asked, wanting to absorb every scrap of information I could gather about him.

“Nope,” he said. “Oldest. My brother’s in eighth grade.” He banged his hands on the table. “See, we’re back to talking about me again. I think we need a little distraction.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me up from the table where we were sitting. “Come with me.”

I couldn’t concentrate on where we were going because all of my attention was focused on where our skin was touching. He didn’t let go, even when we were already standing up.

We walked through the dimly lit kitchen area to a large walk-in freezer on the back wall. Josh lifted the latch and pulled the door open, so a huge draft of cold air blasted us in the face.

“In there?” I asked.

“Just for a second,” he said. “You still have your jacket on—you’ll be fine.”

I’d totally forgotten about my jacket and Teddy B., who was still stuffed in the bottom. I pulled it tighter around me and felt his softness cling to my side.

“Are you going to trust me this time?” Josh asked.

“Do I have a choice?”

“Of course you do,” he said. “Hold out your hands.” He handed me a white box and grabbed a silver canister. “Let’s go back out front. It really is freezing in here.”

Josh put the white box on the dark granite counter and opened it. It was full of small yellow cakes covered in chocolate. “Madeleines,” he said. “Chocolate-covered madeleines.” He handed me one of the shell-shaped cakes and shook the canister. Tipping it upside down, he made a perfect cloud on top. “Made even better with whipped cream.”

I bit into the cake. It was cold and sweet and chocolaty—perfect after a hot cup of coffee. “Oh my God,” I said. “This is awesome.”

Josh jumped up and sat on the counter. I jumped up beside him.

“Tilt your head back,” he said.