Cryptonomicon

"You have wandered off the agenda," Doug says, pulling an oily rag down the barrel of the HEAP gun. "The question is, does the Dentist have you guys by the balls, or only by the short hairs? And that question basically revolves around yours truly. Right?"

"Right!" Randy says, a little too forcefully--he's feeling desperate for a change in subject. The whole Kepler/Epiphyte/Semper Marine thing is stressful enough all by itself, and the last thing he needs is to be hanging around with people who believe it is nothing more than a skirmish in a war to decide the fate of the Free World--a preliminary round of the Apocalypse. Avi's obsession with the Holocaust seemed fine to Randy as long as Holocausts were things that happened long ago or far away--being personally involved in one is something Randy can do without. He should have stayed in Seattle. But he didn't, and so the next best thing for him is to limit the conversation to straightforward things like bars of gold.

"In order for him to have a claim, the Dentist needs to prove that Semper Marine found that wreck when it was doing the cable survey. Right?" Doug asks.

"Right," Cantrell says, before Randy can step in and say that it's a bit more complicated than that.

"Well, I havebeen kicking around this part of the world for half of my life, and I can always testify that I found the wreck on an earlier survey. That son of a bitch can never prove that I'm lying," Doug says.

"Andrew Loeb--his lawyer--is smart enough to know that. He will not put you on the stand," Randy says, screwing his own hard drive into place.

"Fine. Then all he's got is circumstantial evidence. Namely, the proximity of the wreck to the cable survey corridor."

"Right. Which implies a correlation," Cantrell says.

"Well, it is not that damn close," Doug says. "I was cutting a very wide swath at the time."

"I have bad news," Randy says. "First of all, it is a civil case and so circumstantial evidence is all he needs to win. Secondly, I just heard from Avi, on the plane, that Andrew Loeb is filing a second suit, for breach of contract."

"What goddamn contract?" Doug demands.

"He has anticipated everything you just said," Randy says. "He still doesn't know where the wreck is. But if it turns out to be miles and miles away from the survey corridor, he will claim that by surveying such a wide swath you were basically risking the Dentist's money in order to go prospecting, and that thus the Dentist still deserves a share of the proceeds."

"Why does the Dentist want a beef with me?" Doug says.

"Because then he can pressure you into testifying against Epiphyte. You get to keep all the gold. That gold becomes damages which the Dentist leverages into control of Epiphyte."

"Jesus fuckin' Christ!" Doug exclaims. "He can kiss my ass."

"I know that," Randy says, "but if he gets wind of that attitude, he'll just come up with another tactic and file another suit."

Doug begins, "Well that's kind of defeatist--"

"Where I'm headed with this," Randy says, "is that we cannot fight the Dentist on his turf--which is the courtroom--any more than the Viet Cong could have fought a pitched battle in the open against the U.S. Army. So there are some really good reasons to get that gold out of the wreck surreptitiously, before the Dentist can prove it's there."

Doug looks outraged. "Randy, have you ever tried to swim while holding a gold bar in one hand?"

"There's got to be a way to do it. Little submarines or something."

Doug laughs out loud and mercifully decides not to debunk the concept of little submarines. "Supposing it was possible. What do I do with the gold then? If I deposit it in a bank account, or spend it on something, what's to keep this Andrew Loeb guy from taking that as circumstantial evidence that the wreck had a ton of money in it? You're saying I have to sit on this money for the rest of my life in order to protect you from this lawsuit."

"Doug. You can do this," Randy says. "You get the gold. You put it on a boat. My friends here can explain the rest." Randy fits the laptop's plastic case back together and begins maneuvering the little screws back into their recesses.

Cantrell says, "You bring the boat here."

Tom continues, "To that beach, right down the hill. I'll be waiting for you with the Humvee."

"And you and Tom can drive it downtown and deposit that bullion in the vaults of the Central Bank of Kinakuta." Cantrell concludes.

Someone has finally said something that actually knocked Doug Shaftoe off balance. "And get what in return?" he asks suspiciously.

"Electronic cash from the Crypt. Anonymous. Untraceable. And untaxable."

Doug's regained his composure now, and is back to belly laughs. "What'll that buy me? Pictures of naked girls on the World Wide Web?"

"Soon enough, it'll buy you anything that money can buy," Tom says. "I would have to know a little more about it," Doug says. "But once again we are straying from the agenda. Let's leave it at this: you guys need me to strip that wreck bare, quickly and secretly."