Changeling

They talked freely before me now. It was an indication that I was adult. There was no secret in the family that, before Benedict had married my mother, he had married Lizzie Morley and through her had acquired the goldmine which had provided the foundation for his wealth, and that Lizzie had died suddenly and at first mysteriously, until it was discovered that she was suffering from a painful illness which must mean eventual death and she had taken her own life. However before that had been known foul play had been suspected. It had all been satisfactorily cleared up but such events have a way of creating something vaguely unpleasant which clings. People forget the true facts and remember that there was an unpleasant aura about something that happened in the past.

“Well,” said my grandfather, “it could be a reason.”

“To have a respectable family would do him a great deal of good,” added my grandmother.

“I am afraid he will never forget Angelet. Right from the time he came down here as a young man … I knew there was some special rapport between them.” His voice faltered and my grandmother changed the subject.

“We must wait and see,” she said briskly. “I am sure it will all turn out for the best.”

Would it? I wondered. He was going to marry again, because a wife was good for his political career. Belinda and I were to be his family for the same reason. There would always be a motive with him. Lizzie had brought him a goldmine; my mother had brought him love; and this new woman and Belinda and I were to provide the happy family which the voters liked their member to have.

One thing I was certain of was that no one was going to part me from Lucie.

On those occasions when I knew that he was coming I always built up a picture of him in my mind. Arrogant, overbearing, knowing I did not like him and therefore despising me because he was so wonderful that anyone who did not recognize this obvious fact must be a fool.

When he came he was always different from my mental picture which was a little disconcerting.

He arrived in midafternoon and one of the first things he did was have a talk with my grandparents.

After that my grandmother came to my room. “He wants to talk to you,” she said. “I think he really wants to do everything for the best.”

“The best for him,” I retorted.

“The best for all concerned,” she corrected. “It is better that he explains to you himself.”

I went down to him in the little sitting room. He rose and took my hands.

“Why, Rebecca, how you have grown!”

What did he expect, I wondered. That I was going to remain a child all my life?

“Come and sit down. I want to talk to you.”

“Yes, so I was told. I believe I have to congratulate you on your coming marriage.”

He frowned and looked at me intently. “Yes,” he said. “I am to be married next month.” He turned to me suddenly and I felt sorry for him as I had never done before. His mouth twisted a little and he said in a voice unlike his normal one: “It is six years, Rebecca. I think of her all the time. But … one cannot go on living in the past. You know what she meant to me … and I believe she would want me to do what I propose to now. We have to get on with our lives … you, too. I know your feelings. I know how it was with you two. She often told me. I was there when you were born. I could be fond of you as my own child … if you would allow me. But you never have, have you? You have resented me. I don’t reproach you. I understand … absolutely. In fact, I believe I should have felt the same had I been you. You see, we both loved her … infinitely.”

I could not believe that this was the great Benedict speaking. I was deeply moved but, even as I listened, so great was my resentment against him that I was telling myself that he was not completely sincere. He had loved her … but in his selfish way. There was only one person he loved wholeheartedly and that was Benedict Lansdon.

He seemed to regret his lapse into sentimentality.

“We have to be practical, Rebecca,” he went on. “It is not good for me to go on in this way … and not good for you either. You are now a young lady. You cannot be shut away in the country.”

“I don’t feel shut away. I am very happy with my grandparents.”

“I know. They are wonderful people, but you have to come out into the world. It is what your mother would have wanted for you. You have to make a life for yourself. You have to meet people of your own age. You have to mix into a society where you belong … where you can meet suitable people.”

“Suitable? Everything has to be suitable.”

He looked at me in amazement. “What is wrong with that? Of course everything should be suitable. You don’t want things to be unsuitable, do you? What I propose is that after the wedding, when we get settled in, you and Belinda come up to London. You will live mainly at Manorleigh. That is most … suitable.” He looked at me and smiled. “It is a most … er … satisfactory residence. We shall take the governess and the nurse with us. The nursery will just be transported from Cador.”