Changeling

There was the Christmas tree … an object of tragedy now. The burned-down candles… the symbol of tragedy. I sat down beside it and covered my face with my hands.

“Come back,” I murmured. “Come back, Mama. You did come back … for a while.”

And as I sat there, I heard a soft footfall on the stairs. I looked up eagerly. It was my grandmother coming into the hall.

“Rebecca,” she said. “I thought I heard someone moving about. What are you doing down here?”

“I … I couldn’t sleep.”

She came and sat beside me. She took my hand. “My dear child,” she said. “I know what you feel.”

“It’s the child,” I said. “There is something I must do.”

“Tell me.”

“I want to take her. I want her to come here … not as the child of a servant. I want her to be here with us … I just feel that is what must be.”

My grandmother nodded.

“You love her, don’t you?”

“Yes. And she is all alone now. What will become of her … some workhouse … an orphanage? Oh no, I couldn’t bear it. Something happened, Granny. Upstairs just now … it was as though my mother came to me.”

“Oh, my dear …”

“Was I dreaming? I don’t know. I thought she was in the room. I thought she was telling me what to do.”

“It was your heart telling you, Rebecca.”

“I don’t know. But I have to do it. I don’t care if no one will help me. I am going to look after Lucie.”

“What do you mean … if no one will help you? You know we’ll help you.”

I turned to her and she took me into her arms.

“Rebecca, you are a dear child and I’m proud of you. We will take her in. She shall share the nursery with Belinda. Belinda owes her that, doesn’t she?”

“What of Belinda, Granny?”

“She is a normal highspirited child. She meant no harm. Leah says she has been crying bitterly. It was just a game to her. She did not understand what fire could do.”

“Then she has learned a lesson tonight … a bitter one. And at what cost to poor Jenny and Lucie!”

My grandmother said: “Rebecca, it is the least we can do … if only for the sake of Jenny who, without a moment’s hesitation, gave her own life to save the child’s.”

“You always understood me.”

She stood up suddenly as though afraid of her emotion.

“It’s chilly,” she said. “We should get back to bed. Besides … what if Lucie should wake.”

“I should be there to comfort her. I always will be, Granny. I always will.”

I went to my room. Lucie was sleeping peacefully. I had a feeling that there was a presence there … my mother … and that she was pleased.

The Engagement

I HAD JUST PASSED my seventeenth birthday. It was six years since my mother had died. I had never forgotten that Christmas night when she had seemed to come to me. I often felt that she was close and that gave me great comfort.

My grandmother had often said we must get on with our lives. We must stop looking back and we were succeeding to a certain extent. I had done something for Lucie and she certainly had for me. I had cared for her—and she needed great care during the weeks which followed Jenny’s death—and she had given me a new interest in life. She had been bewildered; she had cried for Jenny. I had to be a substitute for her. It was fortunate that I had already found my way into her affections. I cannot think what would have happened to the child but for that. I was the one she now relied on; she looked to me for everything, and I was deeply touched and gratified that she had this trust in me. During those first weeks she followed me around. Her little face would pucker with fear if I went away. My grandmother tried to help and to stand in for me on those occasions when I had to part from her; but she said Lucie was always uneasy until I reappeared.

Everyone was so sorry for the child that they were eager to help in whatever way was possible. Leah was good with children and she took her into the nursery and made it her home. All the servants did their best and there was no resentment—as we had feared there might be—because a child from the cottages was being treated as a member of the family.

Belinda—rather to my surprise—was helpful and shared her toys, showing no rancor at the intrusion into her undisputed domain. I think she must have realized what a terrible thing had happened and that she had helped to bring it about. She was quieter than she had been for some time. Leah stressed that she should not be told that she was responsible for the death of Jenny Stubbs while at the same time she should be made to realize the danger of playing with fire. Leah seemed to have great understanding of children and was proving to be a wonderful nanny which surprised me when I considered the life she had led as the captive of a self-righteous mother, stitching the hours away at her embroidery.

When I had to go back to school I explained to Lucie that I should be home soon and in the meantime there was my grandmother as well as Leah and Belinda to look after her.

She accepted this with a look of sad resignation and the memory of her pensive little face was with me as I made my journey back to school.