Alfie in the Snow

However, my grief needed an outlet too, and so that night when everyone was asleep I went outside, and I yowled with all my might at the bottom of the garden, my cries being carried off in the wind.

I was about to go home, when I remembered Sylvie. I had organised another gift for her via Lucky again. After all, this plan was for Sylvie, for Connie and for Aleksy, as well as the friendship that I was trying to rescue and also in memory of Tiger.

The bird was waiting where I’d been told it would be – my new best friend was really proving helpful. As I picked it up and made my way to Sylvie’s doorstep again, I nearly dropped it a couple of times, not least as I squeezed under the gate, but I made it. She would definitely know how much she was cared about now.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I was failing as a father and as a cat. My feelings of grief weighed heavily on me and I was finding it hard to muster any energy. I had always tried to put my feelings after those of others, but I couldn’t do that as easily as normal right now. I was struggling with the day-to-day functions. Eating, with little appetite. Going out, knowing I would have to walk past Tiger’s house, which was physically painful. Trying to talk to George who still had no real interest in talking to me.

The humans were being very considerate to us. They were sure that we were sad because of Tiger – we were – and so they were being extra nurturing. Toby and Henry were still at loggerheads – things had worsened when Henry had laughed at the play rehearsal when Emma Roper wouldn’t let go of Toby’s hand and Toby was angrier than ever about being Joseph – but I couldn’t worry about that. Nor could I fret too much when Franceska came round to say how upset Aleksy still was, throwing himself into earning money so he could buy Connie a nice present, and how her mum was still unmovable. Apparently Connie had even asked her father to intervene, which he had, via Skype, but Sylvie said that he’d given up being a parent when he left them for another woman and it just made things worse. George was still visiting Hana, but he was so closed off that he didn’t seem to want to talk to me about that either.

I did manage to ascertain that the bird gift hadn’t gone down very well. What was wrong with these humans? This time, according to Hana, Sylvie had accused Aleksy of doing it to punish her. Of course Aleksy never would but the idea that he was being blamed for my brilliant plan was devastating. I had to think like a human and not a cat. Despite being wrapped in grief, I needed to put this right, because so far my plan was making things worse.

I lay in my bed, in our empty house, and I talked to Tiger. I told her about the gifts and I could picture her there in my head. Her stripy fur, the way she would square up to any other cat, dog or anyone for those she loved. I knew that she would be sad about the way George and I were at the moment and I could hear her telling me that we needed each other more than ever, so to go and do something about it. It was startling how clear her voice was, how loud, how forceful. And I hadn’t always done what Tiger told me to when she was alive, but I was going to now. Even if it was only a lone voice in my head. I needed to listen, I needed guidance. Sometimes when you felt at your worst, you had to pull through rather than give into it. Tiger was dead, that was the most horrible thing to recognise, but I wasn’t, and I needed to keep living, but more important than that I had to show my kitten how to keep living.

With a slightly renewed sense of energy, I got up, stretched fully – I had been in bed longer than normal so felt very scrunched up – and cleaned myself up ready to leave the house. I walked past the living room where the Christmas tree lights were off, due to no one being home, and I thought about the festive period. It was a time for love, and goodwill to all men – and cats – so I needed to rally myself and my troops and make sure that I did Tiger proud by making this Christmas a good one. It wouldn’t be the best, it couldn’t be without her by my side, but it would be as good as it could be. And I was the cat to make sure of it.

Feeling amazingly confident and armed with my new purpose, I went to find George. He might not have wanted to talk to me but I would show him that he needed to. I made my way to the end of the street, it was drizzly, cold, and miserable but I kept going. I ignored the damp feeling in my fur, the ache in my legs, the pain in my heart, and I heard Tiger’s voice egging me on every step of the way.

I got to the house and scanned the front garden for George. There was no immediate sign but then the garden really was an overgrown mess. I spotted George beneath a browning bush and I approached him. I wasn’t going to pretend any more.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, raising his whiskers angrily at me.