Alfie in the Snow

We made our way round to the back of the houses. It was eerily quiet, apart from the odd bird squawk or the faint sound of a car engine – it was like a ghost street. I could feel our uncertainty, shivering as we walked. We reached the back doorstep and looked at each other. I tipped my head slightly, and then I checked the cat flap. Thankfully it was open; I let myself have a huge sigh of relief. I gestured for George to go through first and then I followed, hot on his paws. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the worst.

We both padded through to the living room, where Tiger was in her bed, in the same place I had left her last night. The fire warmed the room and I immediately felt my fur start to defrost. I nudged George slightly as he paused and we both made it to her bed at the same time.

‘Tiger,’ I whispered, hoping against hope that she was still with us. I almost didn’t dare breathe.

‘Mum,’ George said, and I thought my heart would crack in two. After what seemed like an eternity she opened her eyes.

‘My two favourites,’ she said, her voice quiet and raspy.

‘Mum, I’m sorry,’ George cried. ‘I just couldn’t bear to say goodbye but Dad told me I would be sad if I did but even sadder if I didn’t. I don’t want you to go.’

‘I don’t want to go either, son,’ she said. George hopped into the bed and snuggled into her.

They say cats don’t shed tears but I swear my eyes were full of them.

‘I will always love you, George,’ she said. ‘Remember that, and I’ll always be part of you and you’ll always be part of me.’

‘And I will always love you too, Mum,’ he replied.

‘Be good for your dad, be true to yourself and you’ll grow into a fine adult cat.’

‘And wherever you are, you’ll see me? You’ll always watch over me?’

‘I will, George, even though you won’t be able to see me.’

‘But I want to see you,’ he cried. Tiger gave me an anxious glance.

‘You know, George, your dad and my favourite thing to do was to watch the moon, and you know when we did we also saw lots of stars in the sky. If you ever want to see me then look into the night sky and I will be the brightest star. I won’t be able to be with you but I’ll always be there.’

‘You’ll be in our hearts forever,’ I said, not for the first time, but I didn’t know how else to say goodbye and I didn’t trust myself to speak further.

‘And you mine. Be the best you can be and, George, try to keep your dad out of trouble.’ They both grinned and nuzzled.

‘Oi,’ I said, trying to sound jovial, but feeling as if the words were going to choke me.

‘You two have each other, you need to be a team, a family, please remember that,’ Tiger said. Before we could answer, I saw her body go rigid, then still. Her eyes closed. I looked at George, he looked at me. We both knew she had gone. It was almost as if we had seen her go and I was rooted to the spot. I watched my boy yowl into Tiger’s fur and I knew that we would never see or hear her again. Not in the real world anyway. Tiger had breathed her last breath and now we had to find a way to carry on without her.

After a long while, I gave George a gentle nudge.

‘We should go, son,’ I said. ‘Her family will be down soon.’ I felt for them, how they would wake up today and find Tiger gone, that would be so hard for them, but I couldn’t help. For once in my life I felt totally helpless.

‘OK, Dad,’ George replied, and reluctantly, wishing with our hearts that we didn’t have to go, we both gave her one last nuzzle before leaving. 

Chapter Twenty-One

Tiger was gone but Christmas was coming. George and I were silent as we observed the house being decorated. We didn’t talk about Tiger, neither of us were ready yet. I needed to see our friends, but for now I wanted to be silent in my grief. And from what I could see, George felt the same, so I was showing him I was there for him, whilst trying to hold myself together.

Our house looked beautiful with its big tree in the living room that Claire insisted on putting up on the first day of December. It took Jonathan, Matt and Tomasz to carry it in the house, which elicited a lot of words that neither children nor cats should have to listen to. And then they discovered it was too tall for the room, so Tomasz had to saw off the top. Although it wouldn’t be Christmas if it all went smoothly! Claire was so happy about the tree that no amount of Jonathan’s moaning could ruin it for her.